Ah!
“Stop yelling.”
It’s the Age of the Twink! It’s here!
“No, these are my friends.”
THEY’LL DEVOUR US ALL!
“Not me. I’m highly twinkish.”
Who’s the first president you remember?
“Reagan.”
Not a twink.
“Dude, I’m such a twink.”
You twere. You twere a twink. But now you’re 40 and 40-year-olds can’t be twinks.
“Why not?”
Same reason a 23-year-old can’t be a teen. Some categories you age out of. Like Don Cheadle.
“He is getting way too old for those superhero movies.”
Cannot agree more. Who are these muppets?
“Online Ceramics. They’re fashion designers.”
But they look like french onion soup left next to the radiator all winter.
“Street-style, man.”
Yeah, exactly. They look homeless.
“I don’t know why I bother. You don’t understand fashion.”
Clothes that cost too much for people who get laid too much.
…
“Okay, you understand fashion, but leave my friends alone.”
Do you like these guys more or less than Steve Aoki?
“Dude, don’t ask me that. It’s like comparing apples to Steve Aoki.”
Fashion designers, huh?
“Hot ones. Lot of buzz.”
That fucker should sew himself some turtlenecks.
“You’re very rude.”
Hey, you wanted to have friends and wear clothes. You asked for it.
“That makes no sense.”
You know what doesn’t make sense?
CELL PHONE NOISE
“Goddammit.”
You asked for this, too.
“I absolutely did not.”
YOU ASKED FOR THIS, MEYERS.
“I’m gonna pick up the phone so I don’t have to talk to you.”
Cool beans.
…
“Polymath with the pretty mouth John Mayer speaking.”
“Hello, Little Potato.”
“Thought people forgot about that.”
“Nyet. Putin forget nothing.”
“What do you want?”
“Poland.”
“I mean, what do you want from me?”
“Putin vant Little Potato to see vhat real fashion is.”
“Gold doors?”
“Nyet. Enormous gold doors. Any kulak can have little gold door. Gold doggie door, maybe. Putin has biggest fucking gold doors you’ve ever seen. Is fashion.”
“If you say so.”
“Tvink to your left has degenerate neck.”
“It’s just a tattoo.”
“Putin vill fix.”
“Nothing needs fixing.”
“Putin vipe off.”
“Please don’t–”
SHVEEEEEEEEEE
CHOCK
SH-SHANK!
“Wow. Flying guillotine. Haven’t seen one of those around here in a while.”
“Putin bring back old bits.”
“Please go away.”
“Putin leave, but only because Putin is so busy.”
“What are you up to now?”
“Nothing. Putin do nothing. Stay home on June 3rd. Putin is not bad guy.”
…
“June 3rd?”
“Da. Trust Putin on this one. And stock pantry. Maybe buy gun.”
“Gotcha.”
SHVEEEEEEEEEE
CHOCK
SH-SHANK!
“Why’d you kill the other one?”
“He leave sticker on hat. Is nyet 2016 any more. Keep up vith fashion.”
“Hanging up.”
“June 3rd, Little Potato.”
DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH ENORMOUS GOLD DOORS NO LONGER DO THAT
“Putin killed my friends.”
Yeah, he’s the worst.
just to be clear, the message of this piece is that killing these fashionable gentlemen is bad and Putin should not have done it. lest anyones knickers get in a twist. or whatever the more fashionable version of knickers are.
Mr Huckabee Completely Sanders has pulled ToTD’s reputation out of the fire.
Just to be clear, I am not comparing ToTD to the President.
If that came off as more rude than funny, you can delete it and I will not be offended, just don’t ban me, that would break my heart.
I know that feeling.
Also, door man on the right? Twink.
Just curious, who is the dude w the neck tattoo
“Online Ceramics” is the real name of a real fashion house. These are it’s real designers. They really make GratefulDead t-shirts.