Things John Kahn Could Be Mistaken For

July 16, 2015 / Thoughts On The Dead / 20 Comments

Swinger.
Electrician with a strong pro-union position.
Worker at methadone clinic.
Client at methadone clinic.
Person casually sitting in car outside methadone clinic.
Short-order cook.
Tall-order cook.
A tall-order cook only cooks really challenging food.
“A tiger burger with cheese made from lion’s milk? Man, that’s a tall order.”
…
“Well, that’s why I called you.”
“Oh. Well, lemme get to milking those big cats.”
Phil Lynott.
Mob paralegal. (Never passed the mob bar to become a mob lawyer.)
Guy who broke the coffee machine at the AA meeting.
John Kerry impersonator.
French Foreign Legionnaire with a mysterious and tragic past.
Guy at the American Legion hall who gets shitty on Budweiser and tries to run down Filipinos with his car.
Agoraphobic park ranger.
Owner, John’s Tall & Lanky Men’s Wear.

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john kahn

20 Comments

maggiemay
July 16, 2015 at 12:23 am

Not featured on this list: your mom

Reply
- thoughtsonthedead (Post author)
  July 16, 2015 at 12:25 am
  
  UR MOM IS ON THE LIST OF HOOKERS WHO GET PAID IN CANADIAN MONEY AND SAMDWICHES
  
  Reply
  - maggiemay
    July 16, 2015 at 12:27 am
    
    http://lolsnaps.com/upload_pic/CanadianGraffiti-38233.jpg
    
    First of all: “‘Canadian money'”? They don’t have that in Canada. Canada doesn’t exist, silly.
    
    Secondly: I guess that makes two of you!!!!
    
    Reply
  - spencer
    July 16, 2015 at 12:31 am
    
    http://www.thestar.com/content/dam/thestar/entertainment/2015/03/02/spock-reappears-on-canadian-currency-after-nimoy-s-death/4088261454001-videoStillImage.jpg
    
    Reply
  - spencer
    July 16, 2015 at 12:32 am
    
    Yes we have money, mickey is on our 5 dollar bill
    
    Reply
    - thoughtsonthedead (Post author)
      July 16, 2015 at 12:33 am
      
      NO SWAGGIE MAGGIE IT IS A TRICK CANADIANS BARTER: I WILL TRADE YOU MOOSE FOR HOCKEY.
      
      Reply
  - spencer
    July 16, 2015 at 12:40 am
    
    http://members.gamedev.net/nordwindranger/images/canada.jpg
    
    Reply
  - spencer
    July 16, 2015 at 12:40 am
    
    This means war
    
    Reply
  - maggiemay
    July 16, 2015 at 12:47 am
    
    http://www.theonion.com/article/perky-canada-has-own-government-laws-19927
    
    Spencer, I mean well. ❤️
    
    As for you, ToTD, aren’t you busy SUCKING MAD DICK?????
    
    Reply
    - thoughtsonthedead (Post author)
      July 16, 2015 at 12:51 am
      
      UR DICK IS MAD CUZ IT IS A GIRL DICK
      
      Reply
  - maggiemay
    July 16, 2015 at 12:58 am
    
    That’s right: I don’t have a dick, I GET DICK
    
    oh dear lord Jesus I need to put some damn reSTRAINTS ON MYSELF AND STOP TALKING IN SUCH A WILD AND FLIPPANT MANNER pls understand that in real life I’m like the kindest and purest person ever omg
    
    Reply
  - cuznt
    July 16, 2015 at 8:32 am
    
    what kind of SAMDWICHES?
    
    Reply
spencer
July 16, 2015 at 12:27 am

http://www.clearpathtofitness.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/john-holmes-original-e1322939255802.jpeg

Reply
- thoughtsonthedead (Post author)
  July 16, 2015 at 12:31 am
  
  I deliberately left him out because it leads to a follow-up question I didn’t even want to begin thinking about.
  
  Reply
  - spencer
    July 16, 2015 at 12:33 am
    
    Heeheehee
    
    Reply
  - mrcompletely
    July 16, 2015 at 1:10 am
    
    too late
    
    Reply
- SpamJam
  July 16, 2015 at 9:35 am
  
  Mother of God.
  
  Reply
- spencer
  July 16, 2015 at 11:20 am
  
  http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/mark-spitz.jpg
  
  Reply
  - spencer
    July 16, 2015 at 1:59 pm
    
    http://apps.startribune.com/blogs/user_images/randmid_1274134898_philjackson.jpg
    
    Reply
- dj5000000
  July 17, 2015 at 3:00 pm
  
  John Holmes ?
  
  Reply