• Missing cues.
  • Lateness.
  • Not saying “spoiler alert” before discussing GoT.
  • Not saying “spoiler alert” before discussing Quantum Leap. (Bruce hasn’t caught up; he means to.)
  • Smoking doobies
  • Imbibing intoxicating spirits.
  • Missing curfew.
  • Looking bored while Bruce tells his stories.
  • Touching Little Steven’s bandana.
  • Looking too long at Little Steven’s bandana.
  • Coming right out and asking, “So, what’s the deal with your head, bro?” to Little Steven.
  • Stealing all of Little Steven’s bandanas, forcing him to take the stage with a bath towel turbanned around his skull like Carmen Miranda.
  • Y’know what? Fuck it: everyone’s getting fined for that bullshit.
  • Lawyering up.
  • Dummying up.
  • Ponying up.
  • Declawing cats. (It’s barbaric.)
  • Cropping a puppy’s ears for aesthetic reasons. (It’s cruel.)
  • Folding a dog’s big ol’ floppy ears on top of his head and watching him do that dog thing where he  shakes his head and goes “aSHmumph.” (It annoys the dog.)
  • Pretending to say “BRUUUUUUUUCE,” but just booing.
  • Giving up on that American dream they promised us.
  • Losing sight of the Promised Land.
  • Racing in the streets. (Someone could get killed.)
  • Inviting draculas inside, thereby granting them their full powers. (Looking at you, Stan.)
  • Getting cut-rate chimi and day-old chonga for Chimichonga Night. (Still looking right at you, Stan.)
  • Taking out your dick at Foot Locker. (Why would you do that, Stan? That’s sick, and were having such a nice day off at the mall.)
  • Screaming “Let’s play Altamont!” and stabbing Clarence with a banana. (Y’know what, Stan: fuck you; you’re fired. You’re a menace.)
  • Forgetting the changes to Born to Run.