- Go fuck themselves.
- Stop being so nice to Roman Polanski.
- Continue fucking themselves.
- Harblegarble diversity blackpartsmatterwhitewashingbetterredthandeadsuckmyballs.
- Why did you stop fucking yourselves, Oscars?
- Give Bobby the Irving Thalberg award.
- Let Rob Lowe sing again.
- Seriously, Oscars: fuck yourselves until I tell you to stop or your dicks fall off.
- Give an impassioned speech about the president; I bet that’ll be the thing to do it.
- Merge with the Grammys, Emmys, and Tonys and get all this self-suckery out of the way in one night.
- Announce from the stage that there was an error in last years tabulations, and Leo will have to give his Oscar back.
- Coat statues with VX, give Best Director to Mel Gibson.
- Go fuck themselves.
I think they did it last night, with the ‘alternative best picture’ envelopes.