• Fuck you, Moviepass.
  • Or MoviePass.
  • However the lawyers decided that your name was spelled.
  • Basketball Head is clamoring for a Nobel Peace Prize because of Korea; he’s–as usual–misapprised of the situation, but if he dropped a nuke or two on Silicon Valley, I would support him getting the Prize.
  • Maybe going to the movies didn’t need to be disrupted, huh?
  • Anydoodles, this is what I thought:
  • I understand that a few characters had to die, but the choice to have Iron Man succumb slowly and graphically to pancreatic cancer was an odd one.
  • There was punching!
  • Kicking, but less so.
  • One or two headbutts.
  • Wow, Fangfarter Venus went toe-to-toe with Mr. How’s Your Momma!
  • End-credit scene was just a shot of Kevin Feige in his swimming pool giving the camera the finger.
  • I know Captain America is from the 1940’s and all, but the scene where he angrily screamed, “THERE ARE ONLY TWO GENDERS!” over and over was a bit much.
  • Black Widow was as useful and fascinating a character as ever.
  • How about giving her some armor or something?
  • Also: Black Widow met secretly with Donald Junior and Steve Bannon in October of 2016.
  • YES, it is far more realistic to have Bruce Banner’s pants rip off when he transforms into the Hulk; NO, they should not have made this choice.
  • Imagine a pantyhose leg, green, that’s filled with about a dozen softballs.
  • And flopping all over the place.
  • Very distracting, Marvel.
  • PEW PEW PEW!
  • No, that’s the other Disney property.
  • Oh, right; I get confused.
  • Josh Brolin was fine as Thanos, but I would have preferred Daniel Day-Lewis, if only for the stories of how annoyingly he behaved on set.
  • “Even though they created the character’s look with CG, he still sat in make-up for six hours a morning to get himself all purpled-up. And he made everyone call him Thanos. He would sneak up behind you and growl in your ear, ‘I love death and jewelry.’ It was weird.”
  • Why were there so many explicit tuggers?
  • I couldn’t pick out exactly what was problematic about the movie, but I’m sure Twitter will tell me presently.
  • Using the 5/14/78 Let It Grow as the score for the big fight scene was a left-field choice, but it worked.
  • Worst new additions to the Avengers: Diamond and Silk.
  • There are three blond Chrises in this film, and I refer to them as Wholesome Chris, Australian Chris, and Trumpy Chris.
  • The guy who used to be fat on Parks & Rec?
  • That fucker is Trumpy as fuck.
  • If you looked up “Trumpy” in the dictionary, you would not find it because I just made the word up.
  • And the guy’s picture wouldn’t be there.
  • If you looked in Variety, you could probably find him.
  • He is so hot right now.
  • For those of you thinking, “TotD cannot remember this person’s last name and refuses to look it up,” give yourself an extra slice of pie for dessert tonight; you are so very clever.
  • What the fuck is his last name?
  • Anthemum?
  • Tophercross?
  • Peecritters?
  • I am not looking it up.
  • Fuck that guy.
  • No.
  • No.
  • No.
  • …
  • Pratt.
  • I looked it up.
  • Shame on my whole family.
  • Is he related to the Pratt Institute?
  • I’m not related to any institutes.
  • Had a cousin who was a symposium, but he bought it in the war.
  • You’re just babbling now.
  • I know.
  • Wanna tie this one off and let it fly free?
  • I was going to introduce Kanye.
  • Please don’t
  • He was going to be Yenos.
  • No.
  • “EVERYONE WILL BE WALKING AROUND WITH PURPLE FACES NEXT SEASON BECAUSE OF MY INFLUENTIALITY!”
  • No.