Tremendous Papal Audience, Best Papal Audience Ever

Hey, Pope Francis. Whatcha doing?

“Just-a gettin’ through-a da day.”

I feel you, Your Holiness.

“I’m-a gonna say something real-a un-Popelike.”

I think I know what you’re going to say.

“This-a fuckin’ guy.”

Yup, that was the exact phrase.

“You-a think when he comes-a in da room that he’s-a gonna be da only bad thing, but NOPE: there’s-a his famiglia.”

Bad hombres.

“You-a said it. Look at-a dese two. Double double, treason and-a trouble.”

Short one witch, I think.

“Kellyanne-a Conway is around here-a somewhere.”

That makes three.

“Who’s-a da freak on-a da end? Never seen a giraffe with-a fake boobies before.”

That’s Ivanka.

“She stinks-a.”

Sure.

“Is-a da evolution of-a da neck. Big-a, normal-a, none-a.”

Also true.

“This-a fuckin’ guy. Smells-a like vomit and-a beef.”

You’re pissed, Your Holiness.

“I’m-a gonna have to hear-a da MAGA stuff from-a Benedict for weeks.”

He hanging around?

“I had-a da Swiss Guards lock him in-a da closet. End-a of da audience, he gets-a five minutes with-a da dumdum.”

Y’know, Padre, I’m almost a little disappointed here. You’re supposed to love everyone.

“I thought-a so, too, but then this-a fuckin’ guy shows up on-a da doorstep.”

You make excellent points, Your Holiness.

“He’s-a da worst person that’s-a ever been in here. And this is da Vatican! There’s-a been some real- monsters who lived-a here!”

Yup.

“Stephen da VI. He dug-a up da Pope before him and put-a him on trial. Made all-a da cardinals watch.”

Wow.

“Bendict-a da IX. He sold-a da papacy!”

Wow wow.

“Twice!”

Wow wow wow.

“But they were-a da pikers next to this-a fuckin’ guy.

Sorry you had to go through this, Your Holiness.

“I’m-a gonna be all right.”

With the help of Jesus.

“Si, si. And I’ve-a been hittin’ da holy wine since-a noon.”

Good thinking.

“Hey, I’m-a da Pope-a.”