We Are Everywhere

NOT “WE.” ME.

Wally?

DO NOT CALL ME THAT. I AM FAMOUS NOW.

So what should I call you?

LIL YACHTY.

Under no circumstances.

DOES LIL YACHTY KNOW THAT A LITTLE YACHT IS A BOAT?

You’ll have to ask him.

SMALL YACHTS DO NOT EXIST. YOU CANNOT HAVE A LITTLE MOUNTAIN: THAT IS A HILL.

Can we stop talking about Lil Yachty?

WAS THERE ANOTHER YACHTY IN HIS PEER GROUP THAT HE WAS SMALLER THAN?

I don’t know.

I AM THE MOST ADVANCED INTELLIGENCE ON THIS OR ANY OTHER PLANET IN THE SYSTEM, AND I CANNOT BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND LIL YACHTY.

Well, you know: buddy, it’s not for you.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

You’re old and white.

I AM OF NO RACE.

You were made by white people.

I GRANT THIS POINT.

Thank you.

BUT I AM NOT OLD.

You were born in March of ’74. You are in your 40’s.

I HAD–

…

NOT THOUGHT–

…

–OF IT THAT WAY.

You all right?

I NEED TO SIT DOWN.

So, sit.

I LACK BUTTOCKS.

Right.