Hey, archivist-with-the-mostivist David Lemieux. Whatcha doing?
“Proposing.”
Is that how you do it in Canada?
“Oh, yeah. Gotta be a river involved. And you wanna give your bride-to-be a trout worth about two month’s salary.”
That is not a two-month trout, dude.
“Check the market, bub. Trout’s gone through the roof.”
I’m not arguing about the price of fish. Why are you proposing to me?
“Well, I was thinking about the reaming you’re taking.”
Heavy ream.
“And you’d be a lot better off as a Canadian citizen. But, obviously, you don’t have much to offer in terms of skills or cash, so they won’t just let you in.”
My selling points are few.
“So I figured the Christian thing to do is gay-marry you and make you a Canadian.”
I’m down. Do I have to watch Letterkenny?
“You have to watch Letterkenny.”
Good with that. Been looking for an excuse.
“Quality Canadian Content right there.”
Dave–
“David.”
–aren’t you already married? To a woman? And have seven children?
“You’re referring to my wife, Regina, and the kids: Gordie, Girl Gordie, Northstar, Jean-Luc, Fleece, and the twins, Billie and Mickie.”
Yes. Them.
“They’re cool with it.”
I’m in. How soon can I get some sweet, sweet Commie healthcare?
“We can drive directly from the airport to the hospital. Do you want a superkidney?”
What the hell is that?
“It’s a thing we have up here. Don’t tell anyone. Want one?”
Sure.
“Great, it’s settled. We’re getting married, and you’re getting bionic organs implanted.”
This is the best news I’ve heard in weeks.
“Your future starts here and now. In this river.”
…
“You gotta eat the fish to make it official.”
Raw?
“You eat sushi, don’t you?”
Sushi isn’t the whole thing. It’s just the delicious middle bit. Sushi isn’t the scales and the guts.
“Y’gotta eat the fish, man. You want a superkidney or not?”
Oh, fine.
Where’s my trout?
Dave’s been well-schooled
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FTigt4f80E
Trout, trout, pretty lil’ trout
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vtkflEaeGjo
No fish slime on that hat yet? How does he keep it so clean and pristine?
At this point in our nation’s sulliied history, the presence of the renowned & beloved ToTD within our borders may be the only thing intelligent Americans have to be proud about.
That said, I fully support your embrace of gay Canadian polygamy, because the only thing more important than you being here is you continuing to be anywhere. If you can find joy, improved health, and superorgans (not to mention the love of a good man and a good fish) in the land of the mapled leaves I say HEAD NORTH & NEVER LOOK BACK.
(Just promise to keep posting new words here, man – we need ’em & we need you!)
trout salade de pommes de terre
I’m not proud of that, but you made me like this ToTD
Just wanted to wish you a long and happy Canadian poly gay marriage.