Yokohama ‘Bama

You’re just living your best life, aren’t you?

“Much more fun being The Big O now than, uhhhh, two years ago. For example, I’m drunk.”

You always did like your beer.

“I’m way past beer now. Been starting the day with margaritas. I’m a Hawaiian shirt away from being a Jimmy Buffet song.”

Retirement suits you.

“Not even wearing underwear.”

Didn’t need to know.

“C’mon. I was, uhhhh, the sexiest President. Hands down.”

Kennedy.

“Pssh. One-pump chump. Not even close to my steez.”

Who is?

“Hayes.”

Rutherford B. Hayes?

“Gorgeous. Not alluring and exotic like The Big O, but still very doable.”

I don’t know about that. Lemme look.

Ay, chihuahua.

“Told you.”

He looks like the lost Wilson brother.

“Pouty.”

What exactly did Hayes do?

“Not much. First President to lose the popular vote, but win the Electoral College.”

We gotta get rid of that thing.

“Not my problem anymore. Barry’s got himself a shorty, and he’s got himself a forty. And some sort of Japanese sex-car.”

Is that what that is?

“You, uhhhh, control it with your boner or something. Between you and me?”

Sure.

“I do not understand the Japanese.”

No one does.

“Lovely people, but they invent new ways of being weird.”

True.

“So, uhhhh, how come you didn’t rope Dr. King into one of your little make-’em-ups for the 50th anniversary of his death?”

I thought that would be disrespectful.

“You’re not as dumb as you look.”

Yes, I am.

“I was being nice.”

Please come back.

“Nope.”