“Hold Kim Jong-Un closer, tiny dancer.”
“Okay, we should maybe–”
“Count headlight on highway.”
“Please stop singing.”
“Love you, Moonie.”
“Please don’t call me that.”
“Looooooove you.”
“I think we should stop hugging now.”
“Never stop hugging my guy.
“Really, I think we should–”
“Reach in pocket, Moon Man. Have surprise.”
“I don’t want to reach into your pocket.”
“You like. Is tasty.”
“There’s lunch waiting for us.”
“This no will be at lunch. Reach.”
“I don’t want to–”
“I tell you. Is pirogi. Polish dumpling.”
“I know what a pirogi is.”
“Is like mandoo, but Polish. Has so much yum in such little space.”
“Again, I know what–”
“Father invent Poland.”
“We really should get to the meeting.”
“Meeting so important. Kim Jong-Un love to meet. Hold on one second.”
“Why am I–”
CELL PHONE NOISE
“Bud Light Fan John Mayer here.”
“Hot Dog Dick! You get endorsement?”
“It’s a one-time thing.”
“You sell out, bro.”
“There’s no such thing as ‘selling out’ any more. Now it’s a ‘Brand Team-Up.'”
“Boo. You sell-out. Kim Jong-Un no run through halls of high school no more.”
“Sad to hear that. Why are you calling?”
“You want talk Moon Jae-In?”
“Does he design sneakers?”
“Is president South Korea.”
“Oh. Then, uh, no.”
“Good call. Is no fun.”
“Wait, are you having a summit right now?”
“As speak.”
“Dude, you should be doing that.”
“Kim Jong-Un multi-task.”
“Go talk to Blue Moon.”
“Blue Moon! Is good! I call that. Smell you later.”
DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH PHONES NO LONGER DO THAT
“Hey, Blue Moon.”
“Please don’t call me that.”
“Kim Jong-Um no come up with. Credit where credit due. My boy John Mayer write. He so creative.”
“I don’t know who that is.”
“Is okay. Kim Jong-Un brought computer. Play Moon new video. Is ironic!”
“We have more important–”
“Moon watch Hot Dog Dick video or die in nuclear holocaust.”
“Fine.”
There’s no such thing as ‘selling out’ any more.
This is gold.
“Where do I sign up?” ~JG