Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: brent mydland (Page 6 of 14)

Hippie-Hop

March 25, 2016 / / 0 Comments

IMG_3784

…

…

…

Is Brent in there?

“He is, yes. So lucky to have him here supporting me.”

He can’t be here, Bill Walton.

“Did you know that the caterpillar doesn’t turn into a butterfly? Not directly, I mean. Caterpillar dissolves. Just goo. Then it reassembles itself into an entirely new creature.”

What does that have to do with anything?

“Brent wore a butterfly costume sometimes.”

Really?

“But he broke a wing at one of his furry orgies and that was it for that. I tried out the sexual cosplay once or twice. Didn’t work out.”

What happened?

“The only costume they had in my size was Godzilla, and the orgy had several Japanese participants. Things occurred.”

Sure. You said you did it twice?

“Second time was no better, if I’m honest. King Kong suit this time, but I may have taken too many mushrooms and gotten too into character.”

How so?

“I snatched up a white lady and jumped out the window.”

That’ll do it.

“So I just went back to having sex the way Coach Wooden taught me.”

Please tell me that’s not in the book.

“It is, along with diagrams.”

Ew.

“It’s all in the footwork.”

You’re Doing It Wrong

March 21, 2016 / / 0 Comments

Brent Mydland, ca. 1980s.org

Besides the insidious and frankly insipid misogyny of Never Love a Woman, the song contains some terrible advice: a woman in tight trousers should be trusted. She’s not armed. A lady in a trenchcoat and cargo pants probably has a flamethrower on here, but the chick in the tight jeans isn’t even wearing underwear.

Also: that is the wrong way to play the piano. I quit taking lessons in the fifth grade, but I do remember some stuff.

Look Up Here

February 1, 2016 / / 0 Comments

img_3280Haven’t had a good group shot in a while. We’ll go left to right for as long as we can, but there’s so much bullshit here. So much bullshit.

  • Seriously: so much bullshit.
  • Billy looks…
  • …
  • Jesus, I can’t deal with this; there’s so much wrong.
  • Okay, let’s do this: Billy looks like a friendly Italian baker who likes to fuck the cannoli before he sells it.
  • “I-a bake-a wit’ love-a!”
  • Billy’s eyebrows also look like his mustache’s children.
  • Phil had to leave the photo shoot early to meet his Newsie LARPing group at the park.
  • The Grateful Dead were not a hat band, and Phil is not a hat person, and that is an ugly hat.
  • It’s as if you went to see a badly written play starring terrible actors at a condemned theater: there is a failure at every level.
  • I hope the other guys gave him shit.
  • We’ll circle back to the two band members who are not looking at the camera.
  • As always, Bearded Mickey is terrifying.
  • There have been many frightful versions of Mickey: Russian Hat Mickey, Shirtless Mickey, Pantless Mickey, but Bearded Mickey is the scariest.
  • Now we take you to the Musician Magazine offices, where they are selecting which photo of the Grateful Dead will be used as the cover photo:
  • “I have a bunch of shots of–“
  • “Which one does Garcia look coolest in?”
  • “Um, this one, but the rest of the band–“
  • “Print it!”
  • “–looks like goobers. Two of them aren’t even facing the camera. You walked out of the office.”
  • And so on.
  • Garcia looks like a hippie lion.
  • He is fierce.
  • Garcia has brought all of his sexy to this photo shoot.
  • I mean, he very well may be passed out behind the sunglasses, but still: lion.
  • Sleepy, sleepy lion.
  • I know I promised to get back to Bobby and Brent, but they’re going to have to take care of themselves. 

Sittin’ On Top Of The Bench

January 12, 2016 / / 0 Comments

brent uptown 80Pic of Brent I hadn’t seen before, from that set from the Uptown in 1980. The best part is the piano bench that looks like the road crew stole it from one of their aunts’ houses. That bench is 10/10 Grateful Deads.

“Ramrod, what if I need to play the other keyboards?”

“Slide down.”

“But, I thought that–”

“Slide.”

…

“Down.”

And that was how Brent learned where he sat.

Ghost Dead

October 30, 2015 / / 0 Comments

jerry brent crutch rando

“Ya gotta see it, man.”

“Bobby looks like you?”

“Same kinda gestalt: not, like, a spitting image or anything.”

“Okay. Who’s you?”

“Kid. Pretty little fucker.”

“So…he’s the Bobby?”

“No, he’s the Garcia. Well, huh: maybe he’s kinda the Bobby, too. Good point, you may have something there.”

“Drummers the same?”

“Exactly.”

“Makes sense.”

“How’s Phil?”

“Black.”

“Makes sense.”

“President’s black in 2015; why not Phil?”

“Sure.”

…

“How do I look, Jer?”

“Huh?”

“Do I get fat?”

“Brent, we’re both long dead in 2015. You will have had died in 1990; I go in ’95.”

…

“Did you not know that?”

…

“Goddamit.”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!”

“Brent, calm down.”

“AM I DEAD?”

“Parish?”

Little Too Much Perspective

October 12, 2015 / / 0 Comments

band 84 phil NASA shirt huge
Hey, Enthusiasts?

Wanna win the Deadhead game? Make this your desktop. It’s an enormous picture and would fit most screens.

Sure, other people have Dead wallpaper on their screens, but it’s always Baron Wolman’s shots or the Boys (and Mrs. Donna Jean) bundled up and free of charge at Lindley. This desktop, however, proves your cred.

You gotta really like the Dead to look at this picture every day. I don’t think the family members of the people in the shot want to look at this every day: fat Phil, sad Garcia; then you look at the rainbow behind them.

Is that a child’s skeleton? The one on the right, that’s tiny and cute? What the fuck, Grateful Dead? I’m getting to the bottom of this.

Precarious Lee?

“Yo.”

Did you have anything to do with the backdrop?

“Painted the fucker myself.”

Of course you did. Is that just a bad job with perspective or–

“Dead kid.”

–is that a…dammit, man: why?

“You know, man: pot of gold, rainbow, dead kid.”

That third thing doesn’t belong.

“Might’ve been a little fucked up at the time.”

Well, yeah.

“Looking at this photograph, I do have regrets.”

Good.

“I wish there had been more road cases to leave strewn around the stage.”

Nope.

“Y’got that big one by Brent, but there’s so much more space to fill.”

The band’s filling it.

“Hey, man: band does their job; road crew does ours.”

That sounds like an efficient way to run an organization.

“Haven’t missed a show yet.”

Give ya that.

Aunt Dieter

September 16, 2015 / / 0 Comments

IMG_2153Hey, Brent.

“I feel weird.”

You’re an anteater.

“Anteaters aren’t real animals. They’re like unicorns.”

No. They are real. And, apparently, you are one at present.

“I don’t think so.”

What’d you have for breakfast?

“Ants.”

Lunch?

“Ants.”

Any plans for dinner?

“I could totally go for some ants.”

Yeah: you’re an anteater, Brent.

“Oh.”

…

“Do anteaters get blowjobs?”

Tonguejobs, more like.

“I’m gonna go rustle up one of those.”

Report back.

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