Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: flea

Jesus Died For Someone’s Jams, But Not Mine

Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“Honestly? No clue. Am I at a Dead show? There’s a little kid wandering around the stage unsupervised, and that happened at pretty much every Dead show.”

No, I think this is a charity thing.

“Ah. Fellow on the bass is awful boisterous.”

He’s got an energetic stage presence.

“I can see. We, uh, never got up to much of that in the Dead. Mostly just stood there. I had a couple moves. Did the Lunge. Gave the fans the High-Knee once in a while. Lotta stuff going on with my neck.”

Yup. Those are your moves.

“Phil tried skanking for a couple shows.”

The reggae dance?

“Yeah. Turns out it’s not that easy. False advertising.”

I guess.

“Question.”

Shoot.

“What the hell happened to Emmylou Harris?”

That’s not Emmylou Harris. That’s Patti Smith.

“Ah. She is the warrior.”

No, you’re thinking of Patty Smyth. This is the Patti Smith from CBGB’s.

“She’s a punker?”

Yes.

“I’m having a wild night.”

You sure are.

Scar Tissue Begonias

Hey, Bobby.

“Did, uh, we get another bass player? I was just getting used to the last one.”

No. This is a one-time deal.

“Not Phil.”

No.

“And he’s not Black Phil, either.”

Obviously not.

“I know his name.”

You don’t.

“Mr. Boogie Pants.”

Not even close.

“Jeremiah Bullfrog.”

Still nowhere near the man’s name.

“Michael Balzary.”

Nope, that’s not…wait, that is his name. But he goes by “Flea.”

“Police chasing him?”

Not “Flee.” The small insect that likes to live in pets’ fur.

“Ah. Well, he seems like a decent sort. Don’t much care for the way he plays bass.”

Why not?

“Playing bass is like wiping your ass: if the thumb’s involved, you’re doing too much.”

Never thought of it that way.

“Most people don’t.”

Flea And Bobby McGee

“This fellow’s name is Spider-Man.”

No.

“Mexican Jumping Bean.”

Also no.

“Professor Heckler.”

Obscure allusion, but also also no. The gentleman’s name is Flea.

“I was circling the theme.”

Sure.

“And he plays bass for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”

Red Hot Chili Peppers.

“Again: I was within the bullseye.”

Flea’s starting to look like the highly underrated comic actor Toby Huss.

“No idea who that is.”

“Ah. That guy.”

He’s in everything.

“And he finds the time to be in a funky band.”

No, Bobby.

“Hell of a work ethic.”

Whatever you say, Bobby.