There are three doors in front of you. Two contain goats that are not speaking to one another due to an incident at a mutual friend’s wedding. Behind the third door is a 2003 Nissan Altima that a man named Allan has been farting in all afternoon.

You are asked to pick a door to open. You pick #1. Monty Hall tells the spokesmodel to reveal what’s behind the door, and she commits suicide with a whiffleball bat. A stagehand removes the body and opens the door, where you see a lady and a tiger. They are playing gin rummy; the tiger is cheating. The stagehand closes the door. Monty gives you the option to take the lady and the tiger (plus a lifetime supply of Spice-A-Roni, the San Arrakis Treat) OR trade them for another chance at doors 2 or 3.

You choose #2. This means your odds now change from 50% to even-money. (Plus the vig.) The Nissan Altima has been stolen by either gypsies or Stevie Nicks, and in its place is a duck that has been eaten by one of the goats.

Now, if you choose to once again open door #1, then the probability of getting the Nissan remains at 0%, but it seems like it should be 2/3rds. Then, Monty grabs your genitals and will only release them if you have an egg in your purse.

I forgot to mention: you are dressed as a spooky ghost while all of this is happening.

And that’s the Monty Hall Problem.