Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The Monty Hall Problem, Explained

There are three doors in front of you. Two contain goats that are not speaking to one another due to an incident at a mutual friend’s wedding. Behind the third door is a 2003 Nissan Altima that a man named Allan has been farting in all afternoon.

You are asked to pick a door to open. You pick #1. Monty Hall tells the spokesmodel to reveal what’s behind the door, and she commits suicide with a whiffleball bat. A stagehand removes the body and opens the door, where you see a lady and a tiger. They are playing gin rummy; the tiger is cheating. The stagehand closes the door. Monty gives you the option to take the lady and the tiger (plus a lifetime supply of Spice-A-Roni, the San Arrakis Treat) OR trade them for another chance at doors 2 or 3.

You choose #2. This means your odds now change from 50% to even-money. (Plus the vig.) The Nissan Altima has been stolen by either gypsies or Stevie Nicks, and in its place is a duck that has been eaten by one of the goats.

Now, if you choose to once again open door #1, then the probability of getting the Nissan remains at 0%, but it seems like it should be 2/3rds. Then, Monty grabs your genitals and will only release them if you have an egg in your purse.

I forgot to mention: you are dressed as a spooky ghost while all of this is happening.

And that’s the Monty Hall Problem.

4 Comments

  1. Tor Haxson

    Best explanation of that little riddle I have ever read.

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      Never made a lick of sense to me even when explained real slow-like.

  2. Mean, Green Devil Eating Machine

    Monty “borrowed” the idea for the three doors from the lyrics to “Terrapin Station”. Or was it Hunter who “borrowed” the concept from “Let’s Make A Deal” after watching it one too many times.

  3. Luther Von Baconson

    hunnerd dollarbills, Broyhill bed room sets, the Lovely Carol Merrill. you flummox us with all that, how can you expect a guy to make an informed decision, Montego?

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