The dishwasher is not talking to you. What you’re experiencing is called “audio pareidolia.” Do not murder your family because the dishwasher tells you to. Now, if the garbage disposal tells you to kill your family? Listen to that motherfucker. But not the dishwasher.
Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
Tag: styx
Do yourself a favor and don’t look at the billboard in the top left of the picture. Trust me: don’t look.
- Have You Never Been Mellow, by Olivia Newton-John. (“Many people tell me I combine the best qualities of Danny Zucco and Kenickie. Charismatic, but also very good at dancing. Olivia Newton-John was eaten by a koala. Or married one. I saw videotape of it. I’ll find the tape. I saw it. Eaten, married.”)
- Black Water, by the Doobie Brothers. (“By the way, I am not mellow. 16 hour days since age 12. 18 hours. I golf? Yeah. With business partners. I’m not hanging around. Mellow is fine. Wanna be a loser? Be mellow. Jeb was mellow. Remember Jeb? Mellow Jeb. Yeah. Mellow.”)
- My Eyes Adored You, by Frankie Valli. (“Frankie Valli is a friend. He comes to my properties. ‘Mr. Trump, thank you so much. Mr. Trump, you’re the best.’ Frankie Valli looks up to me. Very short.”)
- Lady Marmalade, by LaBelle. (“Marmalade? Like Hillary’s ass? Aw. Aw. Now watch: media’s gonna pull that out of context. Wait’ll I get ahold of the libel laws. People know what I meant. But Hillary could lose a few. Long campaign, wanna be healthy.”)
- Lonely People, by America. (“That’s a great name. See, these guys get it, the lonely whatevers. Get a good name. Trump is the best name. Steve McQueen had a good name, but not as good as Trump. Gotta say it. Bernie. Bernie? Not a great name. Weak. Not a President’s name. Accountant. Dentist. Shylock. Not a President.”)
- Lady, by Styx. (“Lady of the morning. Love shines in your eyes. Sparkling. Clear. Lovely. You’re my lady.”
- Best of My Love, by The Eagles. (“Eagles were a great band. Very strong songs. Great musicians. Listened to their records many times. No one listens to Eagles records like I do.”)
- Lovin’ You, Minnie Riperton. (“I once made love to a black. Did not know at the time. But I did. I make love very well, black or white. But I did not know she was a black. She achieved orgasm quickly. Many women do, but I did not know she was black.”)
- Pick Up The Pieces, by the Average White Band. (“Why does the white band have to be average? Can’t be a great white band. Used to be great white bands. All over the country. Great bands of whites roaming the streets. Not okay anymore? Maybe it should be. Lot of people have said that to me.”)
- I Can’t Get It Out Of My Head, by Electric Light Orchestra. (“Weakest Wilbury. With the afro and the glasses. Dylan. The Beatle. The blind one. The pothead. And who’s this guy? Low-energy guy. What’s he bringing to the table? Just the afro. Not a great choice.”)
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