Hey, Slash. Still on the Hill?

“They each gotta get a picture. There’s, like, a lot of them.”

535.

“Not that many. Mostly dudes, too. I was hoping that cute Latina chick would show up.”

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez?

“She looks like this chick who used to mud wrestle at the Tropicana.”

She’s a Congresswoman, dude.

“No disrespect.”

That guy you’re sitting with is named Bob Goodlatte.

“Interesting name.”

Not cool, though.

“Nah.”

How sick are you of telling the story about why you’re called “Slash?”

“Eh. I can do all my stories in my sleep nowadays. Nickname, how I stole my hat, meeting Axl. It’s like muscle memory.”

Makes sense.

CELL PHONE NOISE

“Excuse me. This might be Sammy Hagar.”

Gosh, he has a lot of friends.

…

“Slash speaking.”

“Where shades, Slasher!?”

“Ah, shit.”

“Slasher needs sunglass! Kim Jong-Un replace! Stop at gas station.”

“I have my–”

“Wait. No gas station in Only Korea.”

“–sunglasses. I just took them off–”

“I build gas station. Then can buy sunglass.”

“–for the picture.”

“What else I bring Slasher? You tried Claws yet?”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“No laws with Claws, Slasher. Girls get frisky. Business get risky.”

“Listen, man–”

“Axl look terrible.”

…

“This is not Axl, man. Can you see me? How does any of this work?”

“You hang with Axl. Keep party popping. Kim Jong-Un there soon.”

“NEEEEEEEEIIIIGHHHH!”

“Horse say he big fan.”

DIAL TONE NOISE BECAUSE ONLY KOREAN PHONES STILL DO THAT

…

“Um, excuse me? Guy I was talking to before?”

Yyyyyyyeeeeeeessss?

“What’s happening?”

Slash, are you familiar with the concept of semi-fictionality?

“I keep getting asked that, and it keeps not making sense.”