Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Author: Thoughts On The Dead (Page 132 of 1031)

All Around The World, The Same Song

(Originally posted under the title One Night In America on 6/11/ 16)

 

If you were a snazzy dude or a stone-cold fox in Santa Rosa, CA, on 6/28/69, you were in luck. The Grateful damned Dead was in town and for the price of a ticket, or a boost up the venue’s drainpipe, you could kick the shit off your rock and roll shoes. You could get down, or get high, or get busy, or get real loose with it, or you could get into some real heavy shit. The cops would give you the stink-eye, and pick off the dumb and unlucky, but mostly it was a summer night in America and you could fall in love.

If you were gay in Manhattan and wanted a drink, you were fucked. I mean: you could purchase a beverage. You just couldn’t be gay while you drank it; it was illegal. And actually, the beverage itself probably was illegal, as the only bars that catered to homosexuals were owned by the mob. An establishment that tolerated homosexual behavior would get its liquor license pulled, and there were undercover cops scouring the city looking for enclaves of gays and lesbians who had the temerity to be thirsty and want to dance to the jukebox. A legitimate restaurateur needed his license, so even if he were sympathetic (or secretly gay himself,) he wouldn’t permit gayness in his place.

Criminals, on the other hand, couldn’t give a shit about licenses, and they owned the gay bars.  Every week, the local precinct’s bagman would swing by for his payment, and every month or so, a bunch of cops would swing by to arrest people: men for dancing with one another, or women for wearing “un-feminine” clothing. These bars were terrible and filthy places with stolen and watered-down liquor, and the worst bathrooms in Manhattan until CBGB’s opened. One place, the Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street, didn’t have running water.

Veteran’s Auditorium in Santa Rosa had running water. The kids could dance, and wear whatever the hell they wanted.

The undercover cops I mentioned? They’d hit on guys, and arrest them for responding. The paper would print your name and address the next day, and lawyers wouldn’t take your case. And–and this is the important part right here–society was happy to see you get what you deserved, fairy. You weren’t a criminal. You were the crime.

A drink in a clean, well-lighted place. A dance floor, and dimes for the Wurlitzer. It isn’t too much to ask.

On June 28th, 1969–probably at exactly the same time the kids in Santa Rosa were doing exactly what they wanted to do–the cops raided the Stonewall, where the kids were not allowed to do what they wanted.

I called them kids.

They were.

The busts were usually peaceful, but not this night; the riot lasted three days and sparked the modern gay rights movement. People will only eat shit for so long, and there are stories of drag queens ripping up the sidewalks to throw chunks of paving stones at cops. I hope those stories are true, but there’s no tape. Not even an AUD.

’69 was a long time ago, but not that long, and society’s come far, but not far enough. The finish line keeps moving itself backwards, it seems.

Some people like to go to Dead shows, and some people like to go to gay bars; they’re the same thing: something to drink, and someplace to dance, and people who understand you. Maybe even want to kiss you. Somewhere you could let your light shine.

It isn’t too much to ask.

Plays Central Park About A Quarter To Nine

The rarest (and scariest) Billy of them all: Shirtless Billy.

OR

“Are we all playing red guitars, man? It’s gonna look like we planned it.”

“Ah, the dummies out there will hardly notice.”

“I’ve, uh, also got my shirt off.”

OR

The scariest (and rarest) of all possible Mickeys: Mustache Mickey.

OR

Picture courtesy of the great Jesse Jarnow, who wrote about this show (6/22/69) in his outstanding book Heads: A Biography of Psychedelic America, which you should buy and read. You can also listen to the afternoon’s offering via a two song SBD (which is crappy) or a full-ish show AUD (which is also crappy).

OR

Ramrod’s Little Orphan Annie afro is always so easy to pick out in a group shot.

OR

This is the Naumburg Bandshell in Central Park. Martin Luther King once gave a speech there, but did not play Dark Star. WINNER: Grateful Dead.

You Should Know Who Sidney Korshak Was

Sy Hersh wasn’t always a crank; go read him running down the facts on Sidney Korshak in the Times from 1976. Four parts!

  1. The Contrasting Lives of Sidney Korshak.
  2. Korshak’s Power Rooted in Labor.
  3. Major Corporations Eager To Seek Korshak’s Advice.
  4. Korshak Again The Target Of A Federal Investigation.

(SPOILER: The investigation did not pan out. Sidney Korshak was never even indicted.)

Nick Tosches, as usual, foregoes the dry recounting for sturm und drang and mythical machismo. Read him, too.

And now you know who Sidney Korshak was.

The Kid Has Entered The Picture

“Boychik! You’re late!”

I’m sorry, what is this?

“Lemme tell you something about our business, which is known in the parlance as ‘show.’ Time is everything. Hits, they come and go. Same with money, although in my case, more of it went then ever came. Even wives. They all came, and they went. But not time. You’ll never get it, not even on the back end.”

What are you doing here, legendary Hollywood producer Robert Evans?

“A new gig! Last few years, your pal Bobby’s been rolling snake eyes, but this morning I made my point. The call I’ve been waiting for. My English butler, Roquefort, had just brought me my breakfast: two grams of Merck cocaine and a surreptitiously-obtained nude photo of Adreienne Barbeau. They don’t call it the most important meal of the day for nothing!”

Uh-huh.

“I picked up the phone and gave ’em the old Brooklyn shpritz. Ello, gov’nor? The voice on the line says, Evans, how did you ever convince anyone you were an actor? That was terrible. I knew that staccato song! It was my old friend DT calling from D.C.”

Trump?

“The one and only! Hell of a guy. Funny story: once watched him piss himself out of fear when he saw Sidney Korshak. We were playing tennis here at my great home Woodland. We were both gritty, trash players, but neither of us would ever concede a point. We played like we lived. I was down two matches to nothing, and had gotten Donny to double the bet. Also, I had gotten him to produce the cash and give it to Dustin Hoffman to hold. Sometimes, Donny made bets his pocket couldn’t cover, and then you had to chase him down for months and you’d only get half.”

Sounds right.

“I’m about to serve when here he comes. The Sphinx from Chicago. Black suit, shantung cut, elegant like you’ve never seen before. It’s 85 degrees, and he’s cooler than Chet Baker in February. Korshak! He winks, and I-95 shits down. He shrugs, and Panama goes back to belonging to Colombia. Animals instinctively feared him. He was my padron, my mentor, my big scary buddy. Everyone there is pretending not to stare at him when, from the referee’s chair, we hear Dustin Hoffman yell out DONNY PISSED HIMSELF! It was true. We watched the yellow stain grow. Was it disgusting? Absolutely. Could anyone take their eyes off it? Not on your life.”

What does this have to do with anything?

“I’m setting the scene! If you weren’t such a schmuck all the time, you might learn something about life.”

Sorry.

Yes, Mr. President, I said. What can Robert Evans do for his country? I’ve always been a patriot, and been beholden to power. And D.C. has real power, unlike Hollywood. We may make bombs, but they drop ’em. And their budgets! Donny gets right to his point, by which I mean he babbled about his favorite teevee shows for 45 minutes. Then he got to his point.”

Which was?

“I’m producing the migrant crisis.”

Oh, this makes no sense.

“It makes all the sense. I’ve worked with children before.”

Child actors, Bob.

“True. And, if I can be candid, none of them turned out okay. Most were sold off to wealthy foreigners. That’s what Cannes is for, you know.”

Really?

“Absolutely. I personally bought Sarah Jessica Parker there.”

Wow. Bob, this is not the job for you.

“That’s what they said when I took over Paramount Pictures at the age of 28! That’s what they said when I wandered into the operating room at Ceders-Sinai off my tits on toot and wielding a scalpel!”

Well, they were right about the second one.

“I firmly believe I could have performed the nephrectomy. That’s what you need in the business, kid: faith. Faith, and Charlie Bluhdorn’s private number.”

No one knows who Charlie Bluhdorn is.

“This kid thing is gonna be my big comeback. I can smell the long green! Towne is gonna give us pages, and then me and Irish are going down to Texas to do some location scouting.”

Irish?

“Nicholson.”

Sure.

“First, we’re going to Louie Mendel’s to get cowboy outfits made up, though.”

Stay away from those kids, Robert Evans.

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