Oh, no!
“What!? What’s happening!?”
They’re cutting your beautiful hair, Nephew on the Dead!
“Is that what’s going on?”
Yeah.
“Huh. Well, at least we’re getting it out of the way.”
Nope. Gonna be doing this the rest of your life.
“You’re pulling my pud.”
Language.
“The rest of my life? How long is that?”
You’ll make it to 90 without trying. Unless civilization collapses.
“What are the odds on that?”
6-to-5 and pick ’em.
“If you say so. What is this called again?”
Haircut.
“And I do this…forever?”
Yes.
“Do I get to sit on The Lady’s lap?”
Not much longer. It starts to look creepy once you hit your teens.
“Oy. Any other recurring activities that no one warned me about?”
So many. Hygiene, buddy. Gotta shower and brush your teeth every single day. Cut your nails. Wait until you start shaving. You’re gonna hate it.
“What I’m hearing is that life is nothing but a never-ending slog of personal upkeep.”
Precisely.
“This blows.”
It does. Laundering oneself is a tedious and Sisyphean chore.
“Not optimal. Gotta tell ya, Uncle. This is not optimal.”
It’s not. Our bodies are made of filth. It’s a never-ending battle against stink and ass-cheese. Humans generate their own gravy.
“First of all: eww. Second: what if I want to wear my hair long?”
Like Axl?
“Just like Axl, yeah.”
Well, you’re gonna need to learn how to talk so you can tell your parents that.
“I’m almost there! I can say ‘dog.'”
Yeah?
“Yeah. But it comes out ‘duck.’ And half the time I say it about cats. Or mailboxes.”
Close enough.
“Do I get to keep the cape?”
You do not get to keep the cape.
“This deal is getting worse all the time.”
Sorry, Nephew. Welcome to the world.
He’s cute and all but I’m done with this blog. It’s surprising how little you realise that others don’t care about a kid related to you. This kid and all the Jagger stuff had put me off. Take care.
No one cares, Gigi. Your refund is waiting at the door. Please take it and jam it up your ass.
Speak for your(terrible)self. A lot of us care. I love these conversations with NoTD. They’re sweet and funny and the kid is adorable. Sometimes it’s nice to be reminded of the good left in the world.
I’m still waiting for the animated adventures of NoTD. I will donate to the Gigi refund gofundme to see it.