Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

He Can Call For His Tea

Tea! The stuff you drink at Chinese restaurants, or when your throat hurts, or if you’re some sort of intellectual sissypants! The British invaded literally the entire world because it! A beverage that tastes wonderful once you add five or six spoons of sugar! You know: tea!

Well, the Dead are selling it now. It’s not a $3,000 blanket, but it’s something. This winter, the Grateful Dead are proud to present you, the addlepated consumer who reflexively digs into your pocket like a trained monkey every time you see a fucking skeleton, with their new line of teas. You’re gonna love all the new flavors:

  • What an Oolong Strange Trip it’s Been.
  • Chai Time.
  • Dressed Myself in Green Tea.
  • The Bushels of Corn and the Chamomile.
  • John Perry Barley Tea.
  • If You Plant Iced Tea, You’re Gonna Harvest Wind.
  • Playing in the Dandelion Tea.
  • Orange Pekoe with a Stealie Slapped on the Bag.

All varieties come in limited-edition, specially-designed boxes that are simply dripping in Grateful Dead bullshit.

 

15 Comments

  1. Tor Haxson

    Touch of Earl Gray

    • Tor Haxson

      My Darjeeling Sugaree

      • Thoughts On The Dead

        I missed a ton of good ones.

    • Stanton

      amazing

  2. occidentalpoppy

    Tea for Texas just to obvious for you? Tea for Timbuktu? Tea right here wherever, oops, oh yeah, the rest of those lyrics are in the problem attic now.

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      Dammit. I always forget the real obvious ones.

  3. RustyShackleford

    Might as well chai

  4. J. Eric Smith

    Altea

  5. Mike & Gloria Gonna Be My Name

    A Hundred Thousand Liptons of Steel

    American Beaut Tea

    How Sweet or Unsweet It Is

    Black Muddy Tea

    Saint Steepin’

    Run for the Rooibos

    Reds, Vitamin C, & Cocaine

    Ginseng Me Back Home

    Celestial Seasons Cash Grab Tea Bags & Co.

    • occidentalpoppy

      Love these! I can tell you know how to do long road trips between shows.

    • Luther Von Baconson

      This is good hustle out there

  6. Tor Haxson

    What do we have for my favorite tea?

    Lapsong SooChong?

    • Rich

      Bird Souchong?

    • JES

      Lapsang Me Back Souchong?

      It Must Have Been The Rose Hips

      (And I know there has to be one for Jasmine in their somewhere too, but I can’t figger it . . . )

  7. Stellblu

    I actually got a couple of these for free a year or so back at the Boulder d&c shows. Think they gave em out at Lockn, too, maybe? Pretty tasty stuff. Much cooler when it was a novelty freebie :/

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