Who the hell is drinking Olde English?

“THASS GONNA BE CHARLIE HODGE.”

Oh, right.

“THAT BOY AIN’T FANCY! TOL’ ME ONE TIME THAT BOONE’S FARM WAS BOOJ-WAH-ZEE. AH GOT NO IDEA WHERE CHARLIE HODGE LEARNT THAT WORD FROM, MAN. AH SURE AS SHIT KNOW HE CAN’T SPELL IT!”

Can you?

“AH AIN’T TH’ KING O’ SPELLIN’ BEES, SON.”

True.

“CHARLIE HODGE ENJOYS HISSELF A REFRESHMENT, AN’ AH PERMIT HIM TO DO SO. MAN WORKS HARD BRINGIN’ ME MAH SCARVES AN’ WATER, AN’ HE HAS EARNED HIS TASTE O’ HOOCH.”

King?

“UH-HUH?”

Do you…own…Charlie Hodge?

“WE TALKIN’ IN TH’ EYES OF TH’ LAW, OR OF TH’ LORD?”

Holy shit, was that the wrong answer.

“ISS F’R TH’ BEST! WHAT TH’ HELL’S CHARLIE HODGE GONNA DO OUT THERE ON TH’ STREETS WITHOUT HIS KING? HE’D GET JUMPED BY HOBOS, MAN. FIRST DAY. VERY FIRST DAY. IT’D BE OPEN SEASON ON CHARLIE HODGE, AN’ HIS BUTTHOLE, TOO. BE OUT THERE WITH NOT ONE SINGLE SCARF, MAN! AN’ NO ONE T’ GIVE IT TO EVEN IF HE DID! AH’M GETTIN’ EMOTIONAL THINKIN’ ‘BOUT CHARLIE HODGE GETTIN’ RAPED AND ET BY HOBOS!”

Maybe you should tell Charlie Hodge how you feel about him.

“AH’M GONNA DO BETTER’N THAT! THAT OL’ BOY GONNA SLEEP INSIDE TONIGHT!”

You are a merciful king, King.

“THANK YEW. THANK YEW VERY MUCH.”