Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?
“Same thing as always. Playing my tunes, wearing my hat, letting my toes breathe.”
You’re a man of consistency.
“It’s like the song goes: Keep on truckin’.”
That line actually isn’t in Truckin’.
“I was talking about a different song.”
Ah. Listen: you did the right thing postponing the Wolf Bros shows. Folks were disappointed, but I think they understood why you did it.
“Well, yeah. I talked to several doctors. And then I talked to far more healers, shamans, and women dressed like Stevie Nicks with unplaceable accents. They were all in agreement.”
Good. Absolutely the correct call.
“Folks don’t remember Typhoid Mary fondly.”
No. Maybe you could do a webcast or something from TRI Studios or Sweetwater.
“Probably gonna happen. I’m already bored as shit, and that’s, uh, bad for my headspace. My shoulder starts hurting when I get bored.”
That’s no good.
CELL PHONE NOISE
“I gotta answer that. It might be Matt Busch. I’ve had him driving around Marin looking for Purell for the past 14 hours.”
Has he found any?
“No. He would’ve stopped looking.”
Sure.
…
“Weir here.”
“Hairy Garcia! Is your boy, Dr. Love!”
“Alistair Love or Hortence Love? Or Phoebe? Huh. I know quite a few people named Dr. Love.”
“Not real name. Is Kim Jong-Un. They call Dr. Love.”
“Ah.”
“Got love you’re thinking of.”
“If you insist.”
“You want children? They clean. No corona.”
“We’re, uh, all set on kids over here, but thanks.”
“You take for two week. No like, you send back. Or drown. Whatever. I give you Only Korean children as gift.”
“No, I’m all right. The two I have now are expensive enough.”
“They small. Very little food. Or you no feed. Whatever.”
“I would definitely feed them.”
“But you no have to.”
“Noted. Please don’t send me any kids. Don’t you usually bother Young Josh?”
“He no fun. Jessica Simpson book get in his head. I think he got yips.”
“Women, right?”
“Good idea, Hairy Garcia. I murder Jessica Simpson to make Hot Dog Dick happy.”
“You wouldn’t think your statement would make sense, and yet it did.”
“High-context statement.”
“Yup.”
“I call back. Children there in week.”
“Don’t send me–”
DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH PHONES NO LONGER DO THAT
one of your best posts… fucking awesome
Somewhat technical, behind-the-scenes question: Do you utilize macros for your frequently utilized phrases? I’m thinking along the lines of “DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH PHONES NO LONGER DO THAT”, Hot Dog Dick, etc…
If not, it might help with your productivity. Just a thought.
Oh, and please keep the content coming, btw…promise I’ll find the donate button one of these days.
Not only do I not have a shortcut, I usually forget I have a CAPS LOCK button, and so I type the whole sentence while holding down the SHIFT key with my pinky.
I’m old school, baby.