I’ll Buy You A House At Zuma Beach

Statistically, joining a choogly-type band is a poor financial decision. Ninety-nine out of a hundred choogly-type musicians live on their girlfriend’s couch, or in Holly Bowling’s Hat, wherein she lets rooms for itinerant bass players. But that hundredth fucker does nicely for himself.

Billy has purchased himself a little chunk of heaven, and a share of the road outside, too. He’s on a private street with a Jesus Freak screenwriter and a redneck who shoots animals on teevee, and that’s the start of your Hollywood novel right there. Practically writes itself.  Anyway, the house cost five million, but it looks like this..

…and it sits nestled into the crumbly hills of Malibu. It is in the very Malibuiest part of Malibu, actually.

Point Duma is Malibu’s nipple. It’s where all the Friends live, and the cops drive Kelsey Grammar home, and you can borrow a cup of gluten-free sugar from your neighbor, P!nk. Surely, this all will fall into the sea one day soon, but until then, you can say with complete honesty, “Martin Sheen’s place is right down the street.”

And that, Enthusiasts, is the American Dream.