In The Future, We Will All Look Like Schmucks

Things I Would Rather Have On My Face Than VR Goggles:

• Billy.
• Facehugger.
• Hitler mustache.
• Birthmark in the shape of Barbara Bush’s vagina.
• Barbara Bush’s vagina.
• Kaskatu, the God of Eyeball-Eating.
• Beard made of bees.
• Beard made of hornets.
• KISS makeup. (And not just the cool guys: I would rather wear Peter Criss’ makeup to a family member’s funeral than put that bullshit on my face.)
• Boils.
• Sties.
• Carbuncles.
• Barnacles.
• Tattoo on my forehead reading “The Pope is a Cunt” in Comic Sans.
• A couch cushion from a nudist colony.
• Blackface.