Reasons for Phil’s absence:
- It was a Friday night show during Phil’s brief flirtation with orthodox Judaism.
- It was a Tuesday night show during Phil’s long entanglement with orthodox alcoholism.
- Takin’ a piss.
- Ballin’ a fox.
- Doin’ a line.
- Saw a duck and ran terrified into the dressing room, slammed door, burrowed under couch, made keening noises.
- Crowd surfing.
- This was the only appointment he could get at the podiatrist for weeks. (Phil’s got corns.)
- On line for the new iPhone.
- At a playground slapping ugly children while telling them to “get used to it.”
- Saw a carnival on the way to the gig.
- Stepped in a normal-looking pile of leaves and a rope tightened around his leg and yanked him up to the ceiling.
- In a crazy rich guy’s house, dressed as a kitty, and dangling from a rope as a living motivational poster.
- Picking a fight with two Puerto Rican women in a Steak & Shake parking lot.
- Galveston, Texas.
- Charging (Light Brigade.)
- Taking (Omaha Beach.)
- Sieging (Stalingrad.)
- Cross-dressing (Rocky Horror Picture Show screening in Petaluma.)
- Had Bobby draw him a map to the show and Phil is either in Narnia or East St. Louis, and either way he’s about to get stabbed.
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