Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
“MENTION SEAWORLD!”
“Lillian Monster, I’m gonna talk about the Orlando thing and all the assholes and all that.”
“WHAT ABOUT VEGAN RECIPES?”
“I wanna stay on topic, I think. Gonna tell people to vote.”
“BERNIE!”
“Just, you know, just ‘to vote’ is gonna be the message, sis. Any chance you could put the bullhorn down?”
“MICKEY ASKED ME TO USE IT!”
“She’s the only person I can hear, Bob.”
…
“When did I become the grown-up?”
Ste4ve from the Comment Section did this and it’s not right. Please don’t think I’m endorsing this. Shame on you, Ste4ve, and you definitely shouldn’t make one with Taylor Swift. That would be twice as wrong.
“My word, Phil. You have changed.”
“Not Phil, Mrs. Donna Jean. Oteil Burbridge.”
“Oh! Did the Supreme Court integrate the Dead?”
“It just kind of happened. Have you seen Jeff Chimenti?”
“Yeah, bad news. I drove into him in the parking lot. Muscle memory.”
“Shit!”
“Well, sugar: he was a keyboardist for the Grateful Dead. They don’t get pensions.”
…
“You’re crazier than the rest of them put together, aren’t you?”
“Shh. No one’s figured it out yet.”
Mallet quiver.
Also: Mickey’s just trolling us at this point. He knows that as long as he makes up a cockamamie story about God being a drum stool or whatever, then he can whack on anything he wants and call it a drum.
What the hell are those things? A Necessarily Abridged Conjecture:
I think Mickey should be congratulated for his tastefulness in only affixing two pieces of Dead bullshit to The Beam. I mean: there’s almost certainly more bullshit at the other end, but let’s just pretend.
As noticed by all who watched the ‘cast last night from Bonnaroo, there was another guest star in addition to Mrs. Donna Jean: the Parker Fly guitar. He (or someone) posted this pic from his tour bus before the show. (Bobby has a tour bus. We’ll get to that, too.)
The Parker Fly was invented, naturally, by a guy named Larry Fishman. It is an exceedingly nerdy guitar: it is to a Strat what a McLaren P1 is to a Miata; they’re both two-seater sports cars, but one’s made out of unobtainium. You see the part that looks like the body of a guitar? It’s not: that’s a carbon fiber exoskeleton with hardwood overlays. And the neck’s part-carbon fiber, too, and instead of regular pickups, the thing has piezoelectrics. (Piezoelectrics have something to do with ceramic. That is the extent of my knowledge, and that’s probably wrong.) The bridge is super-advanced and has a multitude of settings. The tuning pegs are made of mithril.
As you know, Enthusiasts, the financial metric in use at Fillmore South is the Ford Focus; the Fly is not that expensive. You could not get a new Ford Focus for its price, but you could pick up a 2006 with 100,00 miles and a clean bill of health.
What’s the point, you might ask? Weight. The Fly’s carbon fiber construction means it’s only 4.5 pounds, which is around half as light as most guitars, or one-tenth of the weight of Tiger.
So: is Bobby’s shoulder acting up, necessitating a lighter instrument? Could be. Maybe he just likes the sound and thinks it looks gnarly? (It does.)
This has been the latest installment in the series “What the fuck is that thing?”
Bobby posted this on his Facebook, and I think it’s sweet and it makes me happy and I wouldn’t dare make one single joke.
(I will get to the guitar.)
Hey, Billy. Whatcha doing?
“Hii-uhh nahdduh haa ah Chosssh Hahhah’s hah.”
…
Could you take the drumstick out of your mouth?
“Oh, yeah. Trying not to laugh at Josh Meyers’ hat.”
Yeah.
I’m not sure how I didn’t think of “Donnaroo.” It’s obvious. But, I didn’t.
Thank God for the Comment Section and their creative minds, generous natures and non-litigious temperaments.
(Speaking of which: I could make a bunch of GIFs from the show if you’d like, but I don’t know how to chop the video up into sub-15-minute chunks. If anyone knows how, then speak now or forever hold your Playin’ Wails.)
Sure, you want to see a great couple sets. Yes, you’d like to dance your pants off. Of course, you’d like hear all your favorite songs.
But you also want to have the best t-shirt at the show, and this is it. Available in all colors except black (I listened to your advice!) and in sizes European Child to American Man.
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