“–Heist, you beef jerky-looking motherfucker.”
BELOVED PRESIDENT TAKING IT ON THE CHIN AND CRUMPLING NOISE
“This bitch, too.”
BELOVED FIRST LADY RECEIVING SIMILAR TREATMENT FROM A MUSICAL LEGEND NOISE
GIFTED ACTRESS WHO DESERVED BETTER THAN THIS FROM A PARTNER AND THE WORLD, ETC., NOISE
“I was kind to the crackers.”
What about your wife?
“Don’t ask me about my personal business. I ever ask about you?”
“So don’t ask about me.”
How is laying out the First Couple and your wife part of the Murder Heist?
“You remember that time Ghost Rider tried to fuck the White House?”
“He fucked Peggy Sue, too.”
“Yeah. This shit is like that shit. There’s a desk with a puzzle built into it, or a riddle carved into the floorboards. Nothing may be as it seems. I gotta solve some shit.”
Can you be more specific?
“Bet your ass you are. Sorry-ass motherfucker. You’re lucky I don’t call you a Jew bastard. We know each other a long time, so I won’t say that shit out loud, but we both know it’s in the air.”
I apologize, Mr. Davis.
“Between you and me, who you trusting on a Murder Heist?”
“You say ‘neither of us,’ I’ll shoot at your ass again.”
I would trust you, sir.
“Damn straight. I’m thinking maybe the paintings have been arranged to form some sort of pictocryptic clue, or even a warning. I’m gonna have Stevie Grossman look at it. Jews are good at deciphering.”
Stevie Grossman’s part of this?
“Stevie Grossman’s part of a lotta shit.”
Okay, sure. If there’s riddles and whatever, then you’re part of the “heist” section of the Murder Heist.
“Never know. Could be the answer to the riddle is ‘Murder some motherfucker.’ Never wanna anticipate the Murder Heist. You gotta listen.”
Did it tell you to punch the President, the First Lady, and your wife?
“I told you my marriage ups-and-downs are off-limits.”
Sorry, Mr. Davis.
“You’re a shining example of how fucking mediocre a white man’s allowed to be in this world. You think Caspar Weinberger is here?”
“I wanna punch Caspar fucking Weinberger.”
Is that part of the Murder Heist?
“Let’s find out.”
FOURTEEN YEARS EARLIER, BUT ALSO SIMULTANEOUSLY BECAUSE OF TIME SHEATH-RELATED BULLSHIT NOISE
“Mr. Brown, we can’t have it. Not this administration, not the people of America, not the Black community. The unrest in the streets has got to stop, and I would, uh, greatly appreciate your counsel on that. But, firstly, I want you to get MIles Davis to stop coldcocking Republicans”
“A man can act th’ fool sometime, but not always and not in some places. Man’s gotta be dignified in th’ White House! Man’s gotta be respectable and serious. Can’t be punchin’ on old white people.”
“Yes, yes. We’re of a mind about this. He, uh, just nut-shotted George Schultz.”
“We can’t be havin’ it!”
“No, no. All of this is out of the question, the events of the past few days. We’re informed this is all part of something called a, uh, Murder Heist. That is the name. Whether it is euphemistic is yet to be seen. As of yet, no one has died.”
THE ULTIMATE SOUL BROTHER PEEKING OUT A SLIGHTLY CURVED DOOR NOISE
“Gonna be honest, Mr. President: Nancy looks dead.”
“She’s a very slight woman. I can’t imagine her taking much of a beating before succumbing to her wounds. The nation mourns.”
“She was the eleganzo bean in America’s stew.”
“Yes, well, all right. Please, Mr. Brown. Go calm Miles Davis down before he kneecaps Lawrence Eagleberger.”
“The Jew is a man who can be partnered with!”
“I’ve not found that. My dealings with them have been less than sound. You may, of course, have had different experiences. I can only speak to my personal experiences with members of the race. Incidental to his people’s beliefs is the fact that he cannot be pummeled by a trumpeter at a White House banquet. How does that look to the Chinese?”
“They on the come-up.”
“Wanna go in they house, gotta take off your shoes.”
“Afterwards, for sure. Consider it done.”
“Counter-attack on the attack!”
GODFATHER OF SOUL PURPOSFULLY OPENING THE OVAL OFFICE DOOR NOISE
“I ain’t kiddin’:Nancy dead!”
“We’ll take care of it. Just bring order, son.”