I need you to remember that the present is embarrassing. Today, right now, the moment in which you’re currently existing: shameful and shitty and entirely without grace notes. It is a faithless, silly age, and we’ve given all the megaphones to the dumb. The dumber you are, in fact, the louder your voice. It’s tawdry, is all. 2018 feels like washing your dick in the sink after a five dollar handjob: you were meant for something better, and you hope no one sees you.
Look at this bullshit. I mean, really look at it. Take out your eyeballs and rub them on your monitor. Then stuff ’em up your asshole; I guarantee you’d rather look at what’s up there than this bullshit. Did you look? Did you look at the bullshit?*
This little twerp, you see, is what’s called an Influencer. They exist on Instagram, but sometimes they spread their wings over on YouTube. This one likes to give fashion tips.
What a punchable name.
(Also: here’s everything you need to know about men’s shorts. ONE: There’s an apostrophe in “men’s.” TWO: Men shouldn’t fucking wear shorts.)
Anyway, Parker wasn’t at the Dead & Company show of his own volition. No Deadhead would wear a bandana like that. Parker was hired by some sort of publicity firm to go to the show and…well, that’s where the plan breaks down. Ticket sales were weak for the Dodger Stadium, but by the time these posts went up, the concert was taking place. Were Angelenos supposed to hop in their cars and race down to Chavez Ravine? Because that wouldn’t work; there was traffic. There’s always traffic around Dodger Stadium. When they built the place, they also built the traffic.
Were they selling merch?
See right there after Maybe they’ll clear the sample for me? Where it says #ad? Someone paid this asshole to drive down to Dodger Stadium, take some pictures in a tee-shirt, gave him some copy to throw up in the caption, and then patted himself on the back. “Yes! That’s some solid online marketing,” the sad little bastard said to himself after closing the deal. The rest of the office was impressed.
“You landed Nerdsworth?”
“Yup!”
“Wow. That’s huge.”
“I’m shaking! Look at my hand.”
And so on.
But I don’t even think they’re selling mech. Look at this bullshit:
If they were selling the merch, then you’d be able to see the shirt. When you sign up for one of these deals, the clients are rather particular about little things like “showing the product.” Dead & Company actually hired these assholes to advertise their Dodger Stadium show–again–as it was happening. It’s nice that the league remains so bush even after so many of the players have changed.
(I’m sure this guy’s a Deadhead, though. All real ‘heads call the band “acid rock legends” whenever they get a chance.)
There’s more bullshit to look at!
LAST NIGHT. DEAD & COMPANY PAID TO ADVERTISE AN EVENT THAT HAD ALREADY TAKEN PLACE. It’s just fucking humiliating being associated with these people at this point.
Oh, and:
“Bob, you got Nerdsworth, right?”
“He is locked down. Sent him the names of a couple Dead songs to work into the caption. We’re a ‘go’ on Nerdsworth.”
“And Parker York Smith is in.”
“Hardest working man in Influencing. You think we need one more?”
“We need one more.”
“Let’s see…we got a white guy and a black guy, so–”
“Asian hottie!”
“–we should call…you took the words right out of my mouth.”
And so on.
#sponsored
- I’m not even going to begin to get into “I wish I lived in the 60’s.” I wish you lived in the 60’s, too, Parker. And that you had a low draft number.
I did live in the 60s. It was a shit show then, too. But this makes me feel just really dirty.
Shades of the early ‘90s when the twerps came for the “scene” and not the music. Time to sell Deadco short.
Who did this? Dead & Company? Live Nation? The assholes at Nugs? I need to know.
I’m guessing Ticketmaster? Maybe the band? They shouldn’t have played that venue. The sound was awful and it was about 1/2 full, maybe a little more
This is so disappointing. Many many seats were empty and everyone around me spent the night taking. I couldn’t hear any music. It made me want to stop being a Deadhead I was so upset. Seeing this makes it so much worse.
The tickets that the little fuckwad are holding are comp tix.
I am very glad I had the opportunity to hang with a friend at the Dodger Stadium show. It was otherwise pretty weird. Lots and lots of talking, sound wasn’t great, and the place was half empty. The seats that were filled primarily held skinny girls with bad dye jobs wearing “psychedelic” tie dyes (girls who(m?) I actually envy to a degree, because who wouldn’t want to wear sundresses and do yoga on the beach and get paid for it? The life of an influencer, on paper, doesn’t seem so bad). There were plenty of Chads to go around too.
Harrumph. Thanks, Mayer.
Happy to be of service.
I couldn’t hear a damn thing because everyone around me talked the whole time. I’m not sure I’ll ever go to a Dead show again.
maggie, is that you? i have missed you so! i am glad you got to see a few of the members of the dead play, even though it was with josh. i hope that things are great with you!
your comments section mom, dawn
and yes, whom.
And they blew off DC this year (Lockin-however the fuck it’s spelled-isn’t a substitute) where the place is always packed (despite the fucked up parking) the crowd is for real (and it’s joyous to see SO MANY young boys and girls genuinely in to the music and NOT posing) and the singing and dancing outweighs the talking 1,000,000 to 1. Good job boys.
The scene has changed. So has the music. Some hold that it’s good. Some say no.
We went to Citi Field the first night. They played well. Bobby flashed boobage.
Met Gary Lambert (again). I would say the experience was positive over all.
First show was 1-10-79, and no, you can’t go home again.
i was wearing shorts when i started reading this. now i’m not. #ad
Are their shows selling poorly in general at this point? I can’t find any credible information on this. Are their shows selling poorly in general at this point? I can’t find any credible information on this.
I think they maybe they bit off bigger venues than they could chew this time around, at least once or twice. The second show at Citi Field wasn’t full, and Dodgers was just a bad idea. They’re still filling the sheds.
They picked stadiums they couldn’t fill. Dodger was half full. It was depressing. They need to play smaller venues where people can’t stand there and talk the whole time.
Maybe, the music is too slow, and just not interesting enough (or loud enough to drown out talking). It seemed to me back then, that one paid attention, and tried to keep up, just to catch that part that was different, or even, at times, to remember what song they were playing. Maybe it’s just the times we now live in.
Sigh. I love my hometown unequivocally, but there’ s a level of b.s.-ery and associated embarrassment that’s just part of the deal. Maybe that means I love my hometown equivocally. Or more to the point, I’ve managed to live here pretty much my whole life with minimal exposure to these particular types of dipshits.
Beyond that, I actually thought the sound was quite good for a stadium sized venue. It was also about 1000 degrees outside that day. If there was ever going to be good attendance, it dried up when the forecast got out of hand. $10 or so on stubhub got you in the door. I enjoyed it. Good show. My expectations for these things are mostly just to push the nostalgia buttons, and it was more than successful in that regard.
We had influencers too back in the day. It was one of the greatest marketing stories of all time.
The influencers then were the ones standing around acting a little twitchy with a pocketful of purple window pane, who’d whisper at you:
“One for 3, two for 5.”
IMO thats the real reason the Dead were big in the 80’s. Great band of course, but if you dose the fuck out of people and send em into a hockey arena full of people in the same condition, of course they will want more.
Why are we paying heed to “influencers” and why do we care?