A Meeting Of Giants

“Hey. Jackass.”

Me?

“You.”

Wow. You got angry quick. New characters are usually still just baffled at this point.

“I am a hospital ship. I’m, like, the only good kind of ship. All the other boats have missiles and guns on ’em, or murder fish by the millions, or belong to David Geffen. But not me. I am 900 feet and 70,000 tons of healthcare. I go to where there are sick people, and I help them. For free. And you’re fucking with me.”

You’re not being appreciated properly.

“See, when you say it like that, you make me sound like Chuckledick and that’s cheap. I am a genuine good for the world, and now there are dinosaurs on my lido deck.”

You have a lido deck?

“Work hard, play hard.”

Okay.

“Seriously, man, you have to do something about this.”

First thing you wanna do is socially distance yourself from the raptors. Try to keep at least six feet between you and them. And also try to keep a steel door in between you and them. The distance really matters less than the door, honestly.

“A triceratops just gored the orthopedic team to death. Please help.”

You need someone to wrangle those animals.

“What? Can’t you just–”

A FLASH OF WHITE LIGHTNING NOISE

“Where them kitties at?

“What in the nine realms of Asgard are you?”

“Mr. Doctor Boat, my name is Josephus Exotic-Candy-Maldonado-Rodham-Clinton. I am homosexual, $400,000 in debt, sparsely educated, wrongly groomed, and have accidentally fired my pistol a half-dozen times this morning, I’m gonna cure your critter problem for you.”

“Um…”

“I will rodeo up them beasts for you, an’ you gonna let me keep ’em so I can breed ’em to my ostriches and hippos. I’m gonna make me some weird shit, man.”

“That doesn’t sound like something I’d want to be involved with.”

“There ain’t gonna be no paperwork.”

“Still. I dunno.”

ALLOSAUR EATING A HAND SURGEON NOISE

“Fine. Just get rid of the dinoasurs,”

“Joe Exotic is on the case.”