Enthusiasts, I love Cancel Culture. For the totality of human history, we–the common fucker–have been powerless to fight the onslaught of slights, aggressions, and crimes against the common good, but no longer. Now we have Cancel Culture. No longer must the crooked, wicked, or just plain wrong be tolerated. Comedians, writers, academics, the scythe of Cancel Culture separates the wheat from the chaff. (Leaving aside the issue of whether privileging wheat over chaff is inherently fascistic.)
But it’s not working, is it? Aziz Ansari’s cancellation bounced off him like vomit off the small of a hooker’s back; Junot Diaz has not been deported; Avitell Ronell is…well, I don’t have to tell you about Avitell Ronell. We need something stronger than Cancel Culture, and I have the solution.
Cancer Culture.
Call someone by the wrong pronoun? Tumor. Ill-advised accent during a comedic performance? Massive glioma. Don’t agree fast enough when someone says All Cops Are Bastards? Your colon necrotizes and drops out of your asshole, but not before poisoning all your other organs. I truly believe this will solve the problem, Enthusiasts.
Or we could blow up all of Twitter’s servers like at the end of Fight Club. Either idea is good.
we don’t always agree on how far to left our country should move, but I’m really liking the alternative to cancer.