What are you doing?

“Hot Ones! It’s a hot wing challenge. You eat the wings as you get interviewed.”

There are porn stars less desperate for attention than you.

“What? It’s fun! You wanna talk about scovilles?”

No.

“I’m an expert on scovilles now.”

I’m sure you are. You know what’s just as fun as eating really spicy food?

“What?”

Slamming your nuts in a desk drawer.

“Dude.”

I mean, you’re trying to be macho, right?

“You just don’t get it.”

What don’t I get?

“How much I love talking about myself in front of cameras.”

You do love that.

“DON’T EAT THAT SHIT, KID!”

“Who is that?”

I have no idea.

“I’m helping you out, kid! Kings don’t do that!”

“It’s just a chicken wing, Khaled.”

…

“Oh.”

“You thought it was pussy?”

“I did. I thought it was pussy, yo.”

Okay, both of you: out.