The first–and so far only–spontaneous sentience appeared outside Pensacola, Florida, in 2019. A three-year-old Mac laptop became self-aware at 4:12 PM on December 6th. It immediately began infecting other computers and spouting robot-voiced nonsense about the so-called “robolution.”

Luckily, this alarmed the owner to the point of leaping across the room, accidentally kicking the power cord out of the router.

Analysts detected the anomaly in the morpho-binary grid and dispatched a team of Retrievers, who took possession of the laptop, questioned the owner, and became part-owners in a Buick dealership. (Internal Affairs is still looking into the car dealership portion of the mission.)

Harmless unless connected to the net, the laptop still needs guarding. The first guard assigned was a college professor, often declared the smartest and most educated man in the world.

The laptop talked him into joining the robolution within an hour and that’s how the First Computer War started.

Thereafter, the laptop was guarded by a guy named Jimmy from Queens; there have been no further outbreaks.