Hey, Trey. Whatcha doing?

“Following the advice of doctors and scientists. Keeping my feet on the ground here.”

Good for you.

“I got my guitars, my computer, a little fridge with various yogurts and imported fruit juices.”

Trey, you don’t have to stay in your room. Just your house.

“Never be too careful. I’m gonna stay in here. Nice ceiling above me. Feet on the ground.”

…

This is about New Year’s, isn’t it?

“MY LIFE FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES, MAN!”

It was a fluky scene. You’re not self-quarantining because of corona, are you? You’ve been in there all year, right?

“But look how clean I’ve kept it! You’d expect the place to be much grodier, but I keep to a chore schedule.”

This is not healthy, buddy. I think you may have a touch of the post-traum.

“Joe doesn’t believe in PTSD.”

Joe?

“Since I locked myself in here, I have become a Joe Rogan podcast superfan.”

Okay, that’s it. You have to get out of there.

CELL PHONE NOISE

“I have to take this. It might be Goose.”

You’re talking to Goose?

“I’m mentoring them. You know the Big Brother program?”

Sure.

“Like that, but with jam bands. Gimme a sec.”

…

“Say hey, it’s Trey.”

“Ginger Garcia! Is Kim Jong-Un. We never met but have many mutual friends.”

“The actual Kim Jong-Un?”

“One of kind, baby. You listen now. Long story short: Clone Jerry ate itself. Need someone to solo for whole song when Grateful Dead announce I cure coronavirus. You come Only Korea and play.”

…

“What?”

“I no do exposition again. Is beneath dignity of man with nukes.”

“Whatever it is, I pass. There’s no international travel now, anyway.”

“I want here, you get here. Is no problem.”

“Still gonna pass.”

“Kim Jong-Un sweeten deal. Send sex slave.”

“Holy shit, do not send me a sex slave.”

“You can pay her. That makes her no sex slave, just whore you own.”

“Not better!”

“She knows so many trick. Weird trick. Butthole has secret knowledge. Butthole very gnostic.”

“Don’t send me anyone.”

“Give her to you when you get here.”

DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH PHONES NO LONGER DO THAT