“MotherFUCKER! How am I back here? Me and Miles drove off in his Lamborghini.”
“Did he turn left?”
“Yeah.”
“There you go.”
“Bob, you’re gonna explain what the fuck is happening or I’m shoving my horn up your ass.”
“Branford, are you familiar with the concept of semi-fictionality?”
“Oh, this is some white people bullshit.”
“I won’t argue with you about that. Pig’s girlfriend and Merl Saunders said the exact same thing. I,uh, don’t know much about black people, but I do know that you folks are aggressively averse to time travel. Our bass player gets real pissy about it.”
“I’ll bet.”
“His name is Branford, too, as I’ve mentioned.”
“Uh-huh. Yo, Oteil?”
“Yeah?”
“Why does Bobby think you’re named Branford?”
“The Grateful Dead thinks every black man is named Branford.”
…
“I don’t know if I’m pissed off or honored.”
“I’d be pissed off if they knew white people’s names, but they just make up shit for them, too.”
“Uh-huh. You gonna tell me what’s happening here?”
“Well, remember that I’m the new guy.”
“Sure.”
“But we’re stuck in some sort of lazy universe full of unexplained magick.”
“Why’d you stick a ‘k’ on that ‘magic?'”
“Because magic is card tricks. This shit is some bullshit.”
“Uh-huh. And is there any–”
SHWAZZATHOOM!
“–way out ofOH C’MON!”
“Oh, hey, man. You back?”
“WHY DID THAT HAPPEN?”
“Did you talk to Oteil?”
“Yeah.”
“There you go.”
“THAT’S NOT A FUCKING REASON FOR TIME TRAVEL!”
“Yelling is almost always counter-productive, man.”
“Well, can you blame me? This is downright unsettling.”
“You get used to it. Good thing is that dying is less consequential.”
“What? You can’t die in here?”
“Oh, no, you can. But then the guy who co-wrote Billy’s book comes to the afterlife and brings you back in a racecar.”
…
…
…
“What!?”
“It’s not the most efficient method, probably.”
“AH’LL TAKE YOU HOME, MISTER BRANF’RD!”
“That can’t be who it sounds like.”
“AH HAVE BROUGHT WITH ME TH’ TIME SCARF T’ AID US IN OUR CHRONOLOGICAL TO-IN’s AN’ FRO-IN’S!”
“This is all just stupid.”
“AH SEE YOU AN’ YER GIANT SUNGLASSES THERE, HAIRY GARCIA!”
“Hey, King.”
“NOW JOIN ME, MISTER BRANFORD. WE GONNA GO ON ADVENTURES THROUGH TIME TOGETHER.”
“No, I don’t want to.”
“WE GONNA KARATE HITLER RIGHT IN HIS FACE!”
“Garcia?”
“Yeah, man?”
“What the fuck?”
“Well, it’s like the snake said to the old lady: You knew we were weird before you jammed with us.”
“SADDLE UP, SAX MAN!”
“Goddammit.”
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