Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

In Hiding

You are not as in on the joke as you think you are, buddy.

“Of course I am. I’m trolling.”

Or are you self-owning? Fine, fine line. Why are you hiding in your toppermost?

“I love it in here. There’s so much coze. And comf. An over-abundance of the two, in fact. If the world knew about the sensual delights of the toppermost, I believe global peace would be achieved. Who could fight in this?”

So tell everybody. I noticed you referred to them as “robes” in your GQ interview.

“The toppermost is a secret garment for the elite. You know that. I start blabbing about ’em in magazines and I can’t buy anymore.”

Sure. This one seems to be one of your favorites.

Sunrise in Santa Fe And The Sprinklers Have Just Come On At The Golf Course?”

Good name.

“It sounds better in the original Japanese.”

Everything does.

“Ask yourself: why does this toppermost have five colors?”

I don’t want to ask anyone that.

“Five is a big number in Japan. That whole Shinto thing they’ve got? Five is huge with them. It’s like how the number three is big with Christians. Japan is nuts for the number five. Now ask me why it has these particular five colors.”


“Because they complement each other. Full stop. Combining the theological with the pure aesthetic. Logos and pathos, thesis and antithesis, all that jazz. Clothes are the new punk rock, y’know.”


“Was it the punk rock thing?”

Oh, yeah.

“You’re talking to a very comfortable John Mayer.”

“What the fuck are you doing, dude?”

“Excuse me?”

“We’re in the middle of a show, buddy. You blipped out of existence.”

“I’m at a photo shoot.”

“Right, great, but you should be on stage in Mexico. Oteil is very worried, and Bobby’s gonna notice any second. Photo shoot for what?”

“To show off my fancy clothes.”

“Yuh-huh. Any chance a Time Sheath got mixed up with your laundry?”


“Get the fuck back here.”


1 Comment

  1. The most objectionable item of clothing in this post is the Giants hat

Leave a Reply