- Production of gasoline-powered cars to be phased out by 2035; gasoline-powered lawnmowers shortly thereafter, if possible.
- If you have a pool, then all the poor people can come and swim in it because we’re all Commies now.
- Everybody gets a job (It’s in there, I swear. Page 12, Section H. This, you will recall, is the plot of Calvin Klein’s movie, President Dave.)
- Great apes, monkeys all the way down to lemurs, cephalopods, and the corvidae family of birds can now vote, even if they were felons.
- Doctors and nurses are literally enslaved because that’s what socialized medicine is.
- All Senators and Congressmembers have to take to the Floor and state out loud that Climate Change is real, and no one better bring any fucking snowballs or any of that wiseguy shit.
- No-Meat Monday now enforceable by death.
- Due to an unfortunate and entirely preventable addition from a disgruntled intern, the Green New Deal contains the following sentence: WHEREAS my butt should be zero-emission, Imma shove a cork in my asshole.
- All citizens must begin production of steel in backyards.
- Something something Indians.
- Those really long limos with hot tubs in the back are illegal.
- Billionaires’ wealth confiscated at the point of the people’s machete on, fittingly enough, the Night of the People’s Machete.
- Choosing a baby’s gender is now a felony.
- Only the following varieties of boat will be permitted: row, sail, paddle.
- Colin Kaepernick made Secretary of State.
- Investigating every possible method how to mitigate or perhaps reverse Climate Change, even weird nonsese like space-umbrellas or heroic science-testicles.
- Immediate revocation of citizenship for the cancelled.
- Put Harriet Tubman on the goddamned money already.
Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
© 2026 Thoughts On The Dead
Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑
But I don’t want a job.
Every browser complains about your non-securedness, TOTD:
https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/mixed-content-blocking-firefox?redirectlocale=en-US&as=u&redirectslug=how-does-content-isnt-secure-affect-my-safety&utm_source=inproduct
Can your IT folks do sump tin bout it?
had to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SMLz32Axd4
• Confiscation of all penises and redistribution to the penis-deprived.
• Blackface Fridays for all newly-employed government office workers.
• Semi-optional mouth rapings at all major political conferences (VA mandatory).