Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Let’s Not Do That Again

Hey, buddy.

Heeeeeeeey, slugger.

Hey, jackass.

Fuck off.

You hiding a little bit?

It’s been a very stressful 24 hours.

You slept for twelve of them.

I did not.

I’m adding up all the naps.

Oh, you try staying awake through a 44-21 game.

It wasn’t a barn burner.

Going viral is terrible and enervating. There were strange people in the Comment Section.

The Comment Section consists entirely of strange people.

BUT I KNOW THEM! These strange people were strangers!


Several of them thought they were allowed to disagree with me!

How dastardly of them.

Yes! Dastards, every one of them!

Okay, the site’s back up and the hits are dying down: you can get back to whatever the fuck it is you do around here.

I dunno, man. Maybe it’s a sign.

A sign of what?

That I should stop fucking around on the internet and do something with my–

Don’t say it.


I told you not to say it.

I didn’t say anything; I quoted the New Yorker.

Listen, dipshit: your life is your own, but shit or get off the pot. You wanna change course, then do so. Do you have any ideas?

Book on microdosing.



About what?

Die Hard in a very fat guy’s pants.


Maybe I could write for a Hollywood teevee show. I hear Kevin James is looking for writers.

Okay, pitch me a scenario for Kevin James’ show.

Kevin James enters the kitchen. His wife realizes she could do better, and stabs him in the face with a letter opener.

No. Fuck off with your whining and get back to work.



  1. 43 comments, maybe if you left a post up
    for a week and asked for comments or some past posters came back, you could get there. Was going viral scary? Had you done it before?

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      January 22, 2017 at 11:07 pm

      Leave a post up for a week? You new here?

      First time virality of this nature. Facebook is fucking enormous. FoTotD David Gans has reposted one or two of my things over there and a couple thousand extra folks came by, but this is different.

  2. if a man writes and no one reads it, is it still a story. things gettin weirder. “strangers in the comment section”, that brings at least a couple welcome back smiles.

  3. I had my first disconcerting viral moment before there was a word for it . . .

    I’ve had a few more since then, and they remain highly disconcerting each time. I think the people who crave or seek out such virality may have a form of cyber-sociopathology . . .

    At least yours was spawned by something meaningful, about which offered salient thoughts . . . so there’s that.

    • NoThoughtsOnDead

      January 22, 2017 at 11:13 pm

      “I think the people who crave or seek out such virality may have a form of cyber-sociopathology . . .” Yes, and sometimes they get elected President of these United States.

  4. I’m glad to have found your little corner of the Internet for what it’s worth. 🙂
    I took a writing workshop from the author of renegade mothering and she said going viral on facebook was a wild ride emotionally. Just keep writing!

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