More Scott Pruitt Demands

• Big bag of money in a sack delivered bi-weekly to his office. (Sack MUST have a dollar sign printed on side.)
• Sniper riding the roof of the car shooting out traffic lights as to get to Chipotle quicker.
• The P in EPA? That shit stands for Pruitt now, muchachos.
• Intern with the sole task of finding out how the Muppets rode bicycles in the first Muppet movie.
• Get Ludacris to stop by and spit some truth for the fools, maybe over lunch.
•  Bulletproof secretaries.
• 30 or 40 more desks, and the biggest ones you can find.
• When Scott Pruitt becomes weary, Scott Pruitt will enter the nearest private home and be billeted there.
• Rental (or possibly co-ownership) of the Starship, the plane that Led Zeppelin used to fly around in.
• Goons all dressed in matching outfits like on Batman.
• Make Condoleeza Rice respond to my dick pics.
• Find out if there’s anything better than the Four Seasons, like a Five or even Six Seasons Hotel, then book an entire floor.
• Tanning bed (for security purposes).
• All flights including domestic short-hops will be booked on Qantas.
• Four well-bred Lipizzaner stallions.
• Hay for the horses.
• I suppose I’ll need a stable, too.
• Turn one of the cafeterias into a stable for my fine steeds, for I am Scott Pruitt, the Secretary of the EPA, and my will is divine!
• Not the cafeteria where the hot Dominican cashier works, though.
• The other one.
• Next intern that looks me in the eye is getting shanked.
• One of you shitstains better get me a Wonder Woman outfit pronto.
• Scott Pruitt will also require a shopping spree and someone to draw him a bubble bath.
• I AM A LIVING GOD, AND MY NAME IS SCOTT PRUITT!

Seriously, read this bullshit.