Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: jeff chimenti (Page 6 of 10)

Hallways And Means

July 2, 2016 / / 0 Comments

deadandco hallway rolling ston

I don’t think those are legally pants. Like, if they were imported and needed to be classified for tariff? They would be taxed at the rate for “loose cloth” rather than for “trousers.” They’re definitely from Creepy Ernie’s because they have three or four inseams, and there’s nothing Ern likes more than measuring an inseam.

Anyway, there’s a show tonight, because it is summer and we are Americans, and so the Grateful Dead (Or What’s Left Of ‘Em) is playing somewhere. They’re at Folsom Field* in Boulder, CO, tonight and the show’s being webcasted. Buy it here, or you can listen on SiriusXM Channel 23, or you could steal the pirate feed like a scurvy dog.

The show starts at 6:30 pm Mountain Time, which means I do not know when it starts.

Why are time zones so confusing to you?

Why aren’t they confusing to everyone else?

Terrible answer.

*These will be the first rock shows in 15 years since Dave Matthews blew past the strict curfew and the university stopped booking concerts, once again proving that Dave Matthews ruins everything.

Billy And The Kid (Relatively Speaking)

July 1, 2016 / / 1 Comment

billy jeff chimenti backstage

“Hey, Thoughts on my Ass!”

Billy.

“This is the guy who should be on TV. Old pretty boy and young pretty boy are fucking boring, man. This fucking guy? He’s got jail stories.”

“I was in a holding cell for an hour, Billy.”

“You shanked six guys.”

“Jeff Chimenti ain’t no punk.”

I had no idea, Jeff Chimenti. Did you join a gang in jail?

“Yeah. Well, I replaced a guy in a gang. But I was actually in the gang longer than the guy I replaced.”

You keep doing that.

“Ass! You agree it’s bullshit, right?”

What?

“That we’re not on television.”

No. The singers get invited on TV. The drummer and the keyboardist–

“Have to break into the studio and hijack the broadcast! Great idea!”

–don’t get to…wow, not even close to what I was going to say.

…

Guys?

…

Guys?

…

Dammit.

The Randos Of Navarone

June 23, 2016 / / 5 Comments

mickey walter cronkite mike gordon

“I found randos!”

Oh, for fuck’s sake, Mickey: that’s Walter Cronkite and Mike Gordon. And the lady looks important. And I think that’s Steve Kimock’s hat.

“Gimme a second.”

I don’t want to.

“But you will.”

Oh, fine.

…

“Here you go. Prime rando.”

mickey peter fonda stills

Nope.

“Not randos?”

They are actually less rando than you are, Mick.

…

“Is the guy behind me a dolphin?”

No, he’s the living embodiment of both nepotism and the different beauty standards society holds male and female movie stars to.

“Wait, wait, wait: I got ’em. I got the greatest collection of randos. Check this out.”

obama michelle band

Jesus, Mickey.

“What? I’m standing right next to two randos!”

On which side of you?

…

“Right side?”

Wow.

“They are randos, though.”

Sure, but their rand gets overwhelmed by the non-rand surrounding it.

“I’m not great at this.”

Not at all.

…

“I didn’t know Branford was married.”

You’re not allowed to be in the Rando War anymore.

Stop, Thief!

June 16, 2016 / / 29 Comments

Screen Shot 2016-06-16 at 12.52.56 PM

I don’t ask for a lot of favors, but can we fuck this asshole bloody?

Here’s all the places this dickless sack of bear-shit has been selling my shirt, and I am officially encouraging harassment. In fact, I’d like someone to give me the cocksucker’s real name:

Etsy shop.

Twitter account.

Instagram.

Please be rude, and take screen shots so I can mock him.

 

EDIT: We’re all good. No one bother no one.

This Gives Me An Idea

June 15, 2016 / / 10 Comments

oteil jeff chimenti black shorts.jpg

I don’t want to talk about what’s going on below the knees in this photo, I just don’t.

Also: it would be terrible if someone Photoshopped the Jeff & Oteil shirt (available in the sidebar, or you could just click here) onto both of them. That would be unforgivable, and would certainly not result in you winning the Comment Section for the day, or you could send it to me anonymously. Either way: PLEASE DO not PHOTOSHOP THE SHIRT ONTO THEM.

Thank you.

(This is the shirt I’m talking about, by the way:

The Greatest Dead & Co Shirt

If it’s the type of thing that you would buy, then you should.)

You May Make Hologram Donna

June 13, 2016 / / 8 Comments

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

I’m not sure how I didn’t think of “Donnaroo.” It’s obvious. But, I didn’t.

Thank God for the Comment Section and their creative minds, generous natures and non-litigious temperaments.

(Speaking of which: I could make a bunch of GIFs from the show if you’d like, but I don’t know how to chop the video up into sub-15-minute chunks. If anyone knows how, then speak now or forever hold your Playin’ Wails.)

An Open Letter To Jeff Chimenti

June 13, 2016 / / 1 Comment

jeff chimenti power 2 bonnaroo

Dear Jeff Chimenti,

Hi. How are you? I’m fine. I’m glad you were not arrested on the way to Bonnaroo. I hope you will not be arrested on the way from Bonnaroo. That would ruin your Bonnaroo.

Thank you for showing us your power, Jeff Chimenti. I just want to get that out of the way: everyone appreciates the things you do and the power you display, and your hair.

That said: dammit, Jeff Chimenti, you are a Grateful Dead now and Grateful Deads wear Grateful Dead shirts. Get that weak-ass Ratdog shit out of here. I’m sure you’ll be jamming with your dope buddy Jay Lane soon; you may wear your Ratdog merch there. This is the big leagues, and I think we both know what league that shirt is competing in.

I am sorry you forced me to chastise you, Jeff Chimenti. I look forward to many more displays of your awesome power.

Sincerely,

TotD

ps You’re kidding me with that thing, right? Key-ter Dinklage up there?  Is that little sumbitch the other keyboards’ gimp? Do they use it for sexual pleasure? Is it secretly a dab rig? Don’t be getting all dabbed out on stage, Jeff Chimenti: that would rob you of your power.

« Older posts Newer posts »

The Stacks

Follow Us

Google Verification

Follow Us

Follow me on Twitter

© 2026 Thoughts On The Dead

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑