12 seconds in. Garcia as Goofus.
Please someone come rescue me from the YouTube hole I’ve fallen into.
Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
Tag: jerry garcia (Page 14 of 139)
- Let’s keep Bobby away from the teenage girls.
- Billy, too, obviously.
- And Phil and Mickey and why don’t we just say that all of the Grateful Deads should be kept away from the teenage girls.
- Yes, Mrs. Donna Jean, too: she’s shitfaced on sipping whiskey and barbiturates and swinging a crowbar around.
- The Road Crew should likewise be banned from contact with the teenage girls.
- Why was the Grateful Dead even brought to the March For Our Lives?
- “HEY, MAN, AW RIGHT. TEENAGE GIRLS.”
- Oh, Goddammit, now Elvis is here.
- Every one of you stay away from the teenagers.
- “THEY ALL SO FRESH AN’ RIPE, MAN. LIKE HONEYDEW MELON.”
- Stop it.
- It’s 2018 and you can’t be…which one of you has the Time Sheath?
- C’mon, guys: who has the Time Sheath?
- Garcia?
- “Buy me a pretzel, man.”
- This was a terrible idea.
60’s Garcia was hep; he was a real beat cat. 80’s Garcia was a mess, and 90’s Garcia was sad.
But 70’s Garcia was a cool motherfucker.
Precarious?
“We couldn’t get the stage any closer to the fuel tank, if that’s what you’re gonna ask.”
It was. What’s the ladder for?
“Climbing.”
Sure.
There was a good two or three years in the beginning where Pig–God bless him–looked like a swamp monster.
OR
Check out the JFK-cut on the square on the right. That’s a hairdo that’ll stand up to Communism.
OR
Until rather recently, you were allowed to smoke around any machine, no matter how complicated and expensive and fragile.
OR
Thick air, man.
“Yo.”
Precar–oh, you’re already here.
“It’s load-bearing.”
The Coke cup?
“Yeah.”
How?
“We managed.”
Monitors look nice.
“Well, we considered the aesthetics.”
And?
“And then we said, ‘Fuck it,’ and left ’em unpainted.”
Sure. You were joking about the Coke cup, right?
“Shit, no. You move that and we all die.”
Makes sense.
If you just ask Bobby–
“Get stuffed, man.”
–he’ll help you with your hair.
“Beat it.”
You look like the dude from Coheed & Cambria.
“Oh, they’re great. I caught their show last week.”
Please stop using–
“No.”
–the Time Sheath to check out bands from the future.
“You heard my answer, man.”
Precarious?
“Yo.”
Were you trying to kill them?
“Who?”
The band.
“Eh.”
I can’t even begin to count the safety violations in this picture.
“Ah, they’ll be fine. Big babies. I wrapped the cable around the mic stand.”
You honestly think that counts.
“I do.”
Is that plank of wood attached to anything?
“Attachment leads to suffering.”
Wow.
This is in Toronto, during the shit-dumb Festival Express that bankrupted a few hippies, enriched a few liquor store owners, and excreted a half-decent movie worth it if only for the scene of an unfathomably drunk-and-stoned Rick Danko, Marmaduke Dawson, Janis Joplin, and Garcia and Bobby wobbily circling through No More Cane on the Brazos. You’ve seen it, or you haven’t.
There. Now you have.
Anyway, this was 1970–long before the invention of security–and that doofus with the Nikon must have gotten up into Garcia’s face, unleashing the rarest Garcia of all: Scary Bear.
Legend has it that Garcia mauled and devoured the photog, but you can’t trust John Legend.
You look healthy.
“Fuck off, man. I don’t need your nonsense today.”
What happened today?
“Ah, you know: usual bullshit. Plus, I killed Natalie Wood.”
I always suspected Billy.
“He’d be the obvious choice, yeah. But, no: I did it. It was an accident and all, but still.”
What happened?
“Well, me and Bobby and Chris–”
Robert Wagner and Christopher Walken.
“–had a real tense D&D game going below decks. And, man, she just wouldn’t quit with the yakking. Made me blow my initiative roll.”
What character were you playing?
“Paladin.”
Sure.
“So we got annoyed and kinda maybe threw her overboard. As a joke.”
Not funny.
“It would have been had we been in a pool. Or maybe a smallish lake. But, you know: it was the middle of the night and she was shitfaced and we were ten miles offshore.”
Right. Like I said: not funny.
“Hindsight is 20/20.”
It is. You gonna be in any trouble?
“Nah. Hal Kant called a guy.”
Who?
“Sidney Korshak.”
You’re not gonna be in any trouble.
“Good to know important people.”
Not for Natalie.
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