The Parable Of The Starfish

The tide had washed thousands of starfish onto the sand, and a little girl was bringing them back to the water. She picked up the five-legged creatures and walked them down to the surf and tossed them in the sea, as far as she could.

An old man came up to her and said,

“Little girl, what are you doing?”

“I am saving these starfish,” she said.

The old man laughed at her. He pointed to the piles of starfish surrounding them and said,

“You will never save them all!”

“Go suck your mother’s dick,” the little girl said. “If I wanted your opinion, I would’ve eaten a fucking gun cuz who the fuck would care what you think, you shitkicking simpleton.”

And then a seagull plucked out the old man’s left eye. He left the beach, and the little girl continued with her task until a nun approached her. The nun said,

“Little girl, what are you doing?”

“I’m saving these starfish,” she said.

The nun laughed and motioned further down the beach, where thousands of jellyfish had washed up onto the sand, and said,

“But what about them? Why are you only helping the starfish?”

“The jellyfish?” the little girl said. “Because they’re poisonous. Are you kidding me?”

And then a shark leapt from the water and ate the nun. The little girl went back to helping the starfish until a shaggy man in a New York Yankees uniform walked up to her and said,

“Hi, I’m Thurman Munson.”

“Hi, Thurman Munson,” the little girl said. “Would you like to help me save these starfish?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said. “Why not?”

And the little girl and Thurman Munson threw starfish back into the sea until there were no more left on the sand.