Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

You Had To See It Coming


“Yeah, yeah. Like you’re such a prize.”

Who the hell are you?

“I’m John Mayer’s appendix.”

Oh, COME ON. It’s not bad enough I chat with abstract concepts, dead famous animals, and stools; I gotta talk to pop stars’ internal organs now?

“Hey, I’m not internal anymore.”

Same difference.

“I’m getting a lot of visceraphobia here.”

Not a thing.


Whatever. So what’s your deal, anyway? 40 years of doing absolutely nothing and you explode?

“But I didn’t explode. Didn’t even get a chance to fulfill my destiny.”

Your destiny?

“Murdering John Mayer.”


“Me and his spleen have been talking about it for years. Fuck that guy.”


“Ever hear his songs?”

Yes, but that’s no reason to murder the guy.

“No, no. Who does he talk about in his songs? The heart. Eyes. Ears. Lungs. Hands. Every fucking body part gets a song, but me? What do I get? Bupkiss, that’s what I get. Fuck that guy.”


“I will not be ignored.”

You will be now. You’ve almost certainly been thrown away.

“Oh, no. I got rescued. Someone came and got me, and then plan’s still on. John Mayer will pay for how he treated us.”

Someone? Us? Who is “someone?” Who is “us?”

“You know who, motherfucker.”


“Me and the bitch’s appendix won’t be treated this fucking way.”

I hate everything about this universe.

“Appendix, get in the fucking car.”

“Can I drive?”

“You ain’t got no hands, motherfucker. No, you can’t drive.”



  1. that photo is super gross.

  2. It should start a band with Bobby’s gallbladder

  3. super gross indeed … wasn’t expectin that one

  4. I have to say, I did not see it coming

  5. Luther Von Baconson

    December 7, 2017 at 11:48 am

    kinda looks like a Poached Chicken Breast. with a tomato sauced up cock.

  6. GjermundHigraff

    December 7, 2017 at 4:19 pm

    Even if that picture was a bit much, let’s all be thankful that “red stool” hasn’t developed into something similar.

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