“Look at-a da pretty girl.”
She’s very attractive, Your Holiness.
“Is-a da Demi Lovato?”
No.
“Is-a da Halsey? She’s-a so hot now, da Halsey.”
Not Halsey. That’s Katy Perry.
“Little Potato’s Katy Perry?”
Wow, that nickname got to the Vatican already, huh?
“We got-a da wifi.”
Sure.
“Katy needs-a da hit. Been a while.”
She’s in a fallow period of her career.
“She needs-a da beef. She should-a feud with-a da Cardi B.”
Oh, that would be a terrible idea.
“Si, si. I’m-a joking. Cardi B is-a da savage. Katy would-a get ethered.”
Yes, sir.
“What’s-a with Legolas? Are-a da skinny ties back again?”
I guess.
“Ties-a get skinny, then-a fat, then-a skinny. Back and-a forth. Like-a da Oprah.”
You’re killing it tonight, Your Holiness.
“You keep-a da secret?”
Yes.
“I was s’posed to host-a da White House Correspondent’s Dinner. Tell-a da jokes about Signor Bing Bong. I got all this material I got-a no use for.”
Why did you cancel?
“They-a fire me!”
What!? Who would fire the Pope?
“People gonna go to hell, that’s-a who.”
You would forgive them.
“I don’t-a know. I was-a lookin’ forward to it. Get in some hang time with-a da Jake Tapper.”
You know Jake Tapper?
“Everybody knows-a da Tapp. Solid hang.”
Why did they fire you, Your Holiness?
“I said-a dat abortion and-a da homosexuality is-a da sin.”
Oh, right. Your beliefs.
“Si, si. And-a I shelter many, how you say, bambino-pumpers.”
You shouldn’t say it that way.
“Don’t correct-a da Pope.”
Sorry.
“Dominus there you go. Is okay. I stay at-a da Vatican. Watch-a da Avengers.You think-a Katy wants-a to chill?”
You should ask her, but I don’t think you’re her type.
“What’s-a her type?”
Tall, dark, and douchey.
“Chicks-a dig jerks, man.”
Tell me about it.
The phrase “Little Potato’s Katy Perry?” May be responsible for the longest period of uninterrupted laughter I’ve experienced so far this month. Even after Michelle Wolf.
https://youtu.be/_vH3DMdkYds
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgsnJqH1Y0c