Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?
“Scat singing.”
Really?
“Bee-dee-lee-diddly-bop.”
Yeah, that’s scat singing. Anyone told you to knock it off yet?
“Billy’s been, uh, winging drumsticks at me for a few minutes.”
That counts.
“But the sweater absorbs most of the blows.”
Hell of a sweater, pal.
“It might surprise you to hear that–”
Someone’s old lady knitted it for you.
“–it was handmade. Uh, yeah.”
It’s got that look to it.
“Toasty sucker, too.”
Sure. Hey, Phil.
“Eat it, pud.”
Good to see you, too.
Precarious?
“Yo.”
That doesn’t look sturdy.
“The speakers?”
Yeah.
“Good eye. Not sturdy. Virtually no sturd at all. Sturdless, really.”
I just feel like the base of the structure should be wider for how high it is, and how much those speakers probably weigh.
“Good feeling. You’re batting a thousand.”
Was there any discussion within the Road Crew as to bolstering the towers?
“Little bit. Ramrod said something.”
And?
“We all called him a word you keep you telling me I’m not allowed to use anymore.”
Ah.
“Fag.”
We all knew what the word was.
“So what you see there is the architectural definition of ‘the least we could do.’ Maybe we could done less in a moral or mathematical sense, but architecturally? That’s rock bottom. Remove one piece and it all falls down. I’m kinda proud of us.
You shouldn’t be.
“And you shouldn’t be such a pussy, but here we are.”
40% casualty rate is good, right?
OR
Billy found his drum kit in a Cracker Jack box.
OR
Why are they set up like a normal band? Pig should be on a different truck ten yards away, or Phil should be in the driver’s seat. This is, like, how you’re supposed to do it.
OR
Phil still weighs exactly the same, and still has the same amount of hair.
OR
Young Garcia = Chubby Slash.
OR
That fucker was at every single rockyroll show in the 60’s. The shirtless dude with no body fat doing his freaky-deaky arm-wavey dance? He was at every show.
OR
Obviously, Pig is not playing the gargantuan Hammond B3 organ that was his usual instrument; that is a far more portable (and affordable) Vox Continental, and it is unbelievably cool.
See? Sounds good, too:
Hear?
Seriously, was Pigpen gassy? Why is he set up in Mendocino Country?
OR
This is October of ’67 at the Greek Theatre, which is on the campus of UC Berkeley (Go Banana Slugs!) and opened in 1903; the venue got the name because, well, just look at the fucker. Couldn’t be more Greek if Germany was bailing out its economy.
OR
Not only did rockyroll bands not know what they were doing in ’67, neither did rockyroll audiences. What’s with the sitting-there-politely bullshit? Rush the stage, teens! Show the musicians you appreciate them by tackling them viciously and ripping them to shreds. Or at least ask for some banjo lessons. Put your backs into it, for fuck’s sake.
OR
Those columns are Doric. Were they Ionian, they would be slimmer and have fancy scrollwork at the top. I’d describe Corinthian columns for you, but you’re not ready for that jelly.
QUESTION: Did the Grateful Dead ever have the appropriate amount of amplifiers? Because usually they had far too many, but this is nowhere near enough.
OR
Is Pigpen in Time-Out?
OR
That is one well-behaved audience EXCEPT FOR THOSE TWO. YES, YOU TWO! GET AWAY FROM THE HIPPIES!
“Hey, uh, guys? Did we forget something?”
“We’ve got our soft-soled hippie shoes.”
“And our enormous guitars.”
“Sure, right, yeah, uh-huh. But, uh, aren’t there usually people in the seats?”
…
“Goddammit, we forgot to sell tickets.”
“Let’s blame Mickey.”
“He doesn’t join the band for two weeks, Lesh.”
“I don’t give a shit. I say this is Mickey’s fault.”
“Is this your granddaughter, Mr. Wood?”
“She’s me woif, she is, Y’r ‘ighness.”
“Oh, how unseemly.”
Psychedelia was not kind to Charlie Watts, at least not sartorially. Don’t make Charlie Watts wear a caftan with magical sigils all over it. Let Charlie wear his hand-tailored suits.
This was ’67. My high school band, A Bunch Of Guys From France, had more equipment than this; it’s downright adorable. Plus, those are pussy-ass Vox amps and they’re underpowered. No one in that auditorium heard a damned thing.
Let’s see what a real band’s backline looked like in ’67:
Oh, just as rinky-dink? Forget I said anything.
“You need to get off the bus.”
…
“Down! Down!”
…
“Why won’t you act like the black kids at Wattstax six years from now?”
…
“Don’t worry about why I know what black people are doing in the future. Just get off the bus.”
OR
When Paul Simon wrote that line about everything looking worse in black and white, he must have been unaware of Garcia’s rainbow trousers.
Hey, it’s the Baby Dead in Montreal! This was at what was called the Montreal Expo (which was really a World’s Fair, but you know Quebecois can’t call anything by its Anglo name) in 1967, and it marked the Dead’s first gig outside the United States*. They played at the Youth Pavilion along with the Jefferson Airplane (seen at the end of the clip), Thelonious Monk, the Supremes (Diana Ross-led version), and Tiny Tim. Sadly, Mr. Tim did not sit in for Dark Star. There’s no recording, but they did play Viola Lee Blues and Alligator; they repeated the two songs at the Monterey Pop Festival a week or so later, so why don’t you just listen to this and pretend that it’s Montreal?
And hey! Here’s another shot of Garcia and Bobby getting waaaaaaay too close to the Airplane’s gear:
Check out Dorkenheimer in the shorts back there.
And here’s one of The Boys playing:
FUN FACT: The set is a direct result of one 50-year-old Montrealer asking another, “Wot do ze children like zese days when zey take ze drugs?”
*The Expo gig was actually the last show in a Canadian mini-tour, but I still stand by the tenets of Without Research.
Hey, Pig. Whatcha doing?
“Takin’ in the scenery! Foxes abound!”
Isn’t that your girlfriend right behind you?
“She knows the score! The ol’ Pig gets t’ look, and she gets t’ take me home at the end o’ the night!”
Seems fair.
“Fair as any fox is gonna get in 1967, anyway.”
You are well and truly in the past, Pig.
“Don’t I know it! You see Jackie Kennedy back there?”
I do.
“That ain’t no costume, brother! Chicks dressed like that all the time! I mean, not the chicks I made it with, but you know that the ol’ Pig is sayin’.”
This is Montreal, right?
“What they named the ball team after! Like a World’s Fair, but named different.”
Your first time in Canada?
“Jus’ about the ol’ Pig’s first time anywhere! Wasn’t f’r the Dead, I never woulda left California!”
Why not?
“California got wine?”
It does.
“California got foxes?”
Yes.
“Then I guess I got everything I need, don’t I?”
You’re never wrong.
“Nah. The ol’ Pig’s wrong all the time, but I does it with style!”
Yup.
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