Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Girl And Her Dog

Hey, Buck. Whatcha doing?

“Guarding. And y’know what? I didn’t know I had it in me. Not bred for it at all. I have absolutely no Doberman in me. I see a stranger, I love and trust that stranger. Not anymore, muchacho.”

Wow, everyone’s right. It is rather unpleasant to be called that.

“This kid is protected. I got her. Y’know that truck that comes by every morning and smells like paper?”

That’s the mail.

“I will take that truck down, man. I will take that truck down to Chinatown.”

Okay.

“Or bears. Not bred for that, either, but I would fuck up a bear if it looked at Podgey wrong.”

Podgey?

“I call her Podgey.”

Why?

“Look at her wrists.”

Yeah, that’s a good name.

“Love this kid. No idea where the hell she came from, but she’s mine now. Sometimes she pokes me in the eye, but she doesn’t mean it.”

Hasn’t developed fine motor control yet.

“Yeah, she just waves all four legs around at random.”

Yup.

“And not housebroken.”

People don’t get housebroken. We call it “toilet trained.”

“Same concept, though, right? Don’t shit on the living room floor?”

Yeah.

“That’s all I’m saying. So, there’s the pooping and the flailing. Those are the downsides. Everything else is a positive with this kid. You simply would not believe the smells that come off her. There’s a new scent every ten minutes.”

Sounds exciting.

“Super exciting! I’m not a puppy, man. I’ve done some serious smelling in my time, and this kid’s blowing my nose.”

I see what you did there.

“Dude, hold on a sec.”

Why?

“Sidebar.”

Sidebar?

Oh, sidebar.

“We gotta pick this up later. She just pooped again, and I’m gonna try to eat the whole diaper before anyone stops me.”

Good luck.

4 Comments

  1. Tor Haxson

    Dude, the furniture in that place, is that an Eames storage unit, so ugly but so not ugly all at once

    • Cube

      I was gonna say! Classy frickin lounge chair. Not sue I want babies and dogs around that.

  2. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    She’s a dog whisperer!

  3. somebloke

    This, along with ALL of the Nephew of ToTD posts, is among my top 10 fave ToTD posts.

    That is a WORLD class doggo, and a great Kid who will, one day, cure this planet’s ills. She and her cousins and little brothers and sisters are gonna have to do so. And I think they will.

    I just want that dog’s left front paw in my right hand. NOW.

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