Hey, Pope Francis. Whatcha doing?
“I’m-a wearin’ da hat.”
That’s a heck of a hat, Your Holiness.
“It’s-a gotta my name on it!”
I see that. Why is it S.S. Francis?
“They think I’m-a da boat.”
Sure.
“You see-a dis lady’s hands?”
Yes.
“She gotta those hands from-a da work. Your hands look-a like dat?”
Not at all.
“No, no. You got-a da soft hands. Should put-a dem together and-a pray more. Give-a da thanks instead of pulling on-a your pud.”
I already got this lecture from God, Your Holiness.
“Si, si. Pigpen probably gonna come and-a yell at you soon, too.”
Most likely. Are these folks even Christians?
“Pssh, what-a do I care? I’m about-a da love. I love-a dem, I love-a you. You don’t-a make it easy, though.”
I’ve been told.
“You know what-a da difference is between-a da saint and-a da sinner?”
No.
“Effort. Do-a some work, kid.”
Yes, sir. Are those acorns?
“Si, si. Smells-a like a rich lady’s bathroom. Is-a nice.”
Good to hear. I like that guy’s makeup.
“I think he’s-a da Juggalo.”
I don’t know about that, Your Holiness.
“He no-a knows how-a da magnets work.”
Okay.
“Rich people always-a messing with-a him.”
God point.
“He’s got-a da hatchet.”
Okay, maybe he’s a Juggalo.
“Si, si. Whoop, whoop.”
Amen, Your Holiness.
have missed you.
I really want Francis to host the Oscars next year. He is the Bob Hope of Popes.
“Hey, it’s old Pope ‘Where’s my Oscar?’ Francis coming to you live from Saigon. Sister Consuela, come on out and show these boys what they’re fighting for!”