- You can just, like, start a St. Stephen?
- I didn’t know that was legal.
- Oh, Bobby baby.
- How do you forget the words with multiple teleprompters in front of you?
- Oh, baby Bobby.
- All right, c’mon, put it back together.
- Such a goofy-ass song.
- Not even really a song, is it?
- It’s parts from other songs played in sequence.
- The Ohawk was cool, but I gotta say that I prefer this year’s tidy natural.
- What I do not prefer: when Oteil plays with his fingers, he puts his pick in his mouth and that is dangerous.
- It is akin to running with scissors!
- Sudden plectral inhalation may occur!
- You know Bobby does not know the Heimlich maneuver, Oteil!
- Here’s what you do, buddy: put a hundred picks on your mic stand and keep tossing ’em out to the crowd like Rick Nielsen from Cheap Trick.
- Okay, that’s settled.
- Ooh, a jam.
- People are gonna want to call this an Eleven Jam.
- People are fucking simpletons.
- The jam after St. Stephen never downshifted into 11/4, so therefore cannot be classified as an Eleven Jam.
- This is basic stuff, folks.
- William Tell was Swiss.
- Did you know that?
- I didn’t.
- I assumed he came from the same forest as Robin Hood.
- Maybe they practiced archery together.
- But, no.
- He’s as Swiss as Nazi gold.
- Other facts about William Tell:
- Rarely if ever called “Billy.”
- He was kinda the Simon Bolivar of Switzerland, sort of.
- William Tell never stretched his “bow” ’til it could stretch no further because he used a crossbow.
- C’mon, fuckers.
- Do it, fuckers.
- I told everyone on Twitter about this; don’t make me look like an asshole.
- Drop that last fucking beat and do it.
- C’MON AND DO THE THING, YOU SMELLY ASSHOLES.
- …
- THEY DID THE THING!
- AND NOW THEY’RE DOING THE THING!
- THINGNESS IS CURRENT!
- Stop it.
- The Eleven, braj!
- I know, but you need to behave yourself.
- Eat my dick and balls.
- Anyway: some questions and answers:
- Can Dead & Company play The Eleven?
- With surprising nimbleness, actually.
- Were The Eleven’s lyrics meant to be heard clearly?
- Oh, fucking hell, no; you’re supposed to catch a word here and there; this is a blisteringly hippie-dippie silly singalong.
- But, dude: The Eleven?
- The fucking Eleven, braj.
- And then they played some other stuff.
Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
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A bunch of my friends were arguing, so I wandered over and ask what the problem was.
“What’s this song called?” “You must know.”
So I started listening harder. Then one of the guys says “it’s not the eleven” “Not yet anyway.” Well, we always called the jam between St. Steven and The Eleven the ‘William Tell Bridge’ but this could be something else. If anyone was still listening I wanted to say ‘let’s call it a William Tell Jam but that didn’t happen.