Hey, Phil. Whatcha doing?

“Ah, fuck. I thought you forgot about me.”

It’s been a while since we talked.

“It was nice. Nobody was shitting on my bocce courts. Putin didn’t show up at all. I valued your absence.”

Well, I’m back.

“You don’t have to be. And I didn’t invite you.”

What are we doing with our hat, buddy?

“In fact, I’m actively disinviting you.”

Did a Millennial show you how to wear a baseball cap that way?

“Security!”

“I’ll kick his ass, Dad.”

“You’ll kick nothing but sand, Grahame!”

“Aw.”

“See what you’ve done? Out!”

I just want to be a fan.

“Do it somewhere else.”

Aw.