An Open Letter To David Lemieux In Re: Dave’s Pick 28

Dear David Lemieux (if that is your real name):

I hope you noticed the colon, David. This is not a friendly letter, or I would have used a comma after the salutation. It hurt to do so; no colon has been that painful since the Mr. Hands incident.

But I must, you Canadian Catamite. How dare you foist off this sub-par and unrepresentative Dead show on the loyal fans who pay good money for the Dave’s Pick releases, and also those of us who steal them? What were you thinking? Were you even thinking? Is it that hockey season is starting and you’re distracted? Were you too busy posting the word “penultimate” on Twitter three or four times a day?

WHAT THE FUCK, DAVE?

While I do not have the remastered version yet, I do have a decent SBD of 6/17/76, and this show just doesn’t make it. Where are the guitars? I can only hear them on one song, and–quite frankly–they don’t sound like Garcia and Bobby at all. The drums are rudimentary at best–AT FUCKING BEST–and none of the singers are in their best voice. Mrs. Donna Jean is missing in action entirely, it sounds like.

Moreover–and I hope this doesn’t sound racist–the vocals sound far blacker than usual, and who the fuck is this “Jam Master Jay” person that Bobby keeps referring to?

You owe all of us–

Excuse me, dipshit.

–an apology, and not a Canadian apology.

Stop writing.

A real apology. Maybe even a written one.

Fuckhead?

Mm-hmm?

Could you read me off the setlist from this 6/17/76 show?

Oh, sure. Peter Piper opener, It’s Tricky>My Adidas, Walk This Way–

This is a Run-DMC album you’re talking about. 

–Is It Live…excuse me?

You’re talking about Run-DMC’s breakthrough 1986 album Raising Hell.

I don’t think so.

Is You Be Illin’ on it?

Yes.

Just walk away from the computer and I’ll finish up the post, champ.

I haven’t been sleeping well lately.

Walk away.

…

David, I apologize for his behavior. He’s an uncouth lout, and he gets confused by basic tasks and words longer than “fuck.” You’re doing a great job and the 6/17 show is a smoking hot bastard that will be a welcome addition to any Enthusiast’s record collection. Please continue about your day and maybe let’s just forget this ever happened.

Raising Hell is a great album, though.

I TOLD YOU TO WALK AWAY, BOY.

Don’t yell.