Where did you get a baby?

“Honestly, I have no idea. I was holding a cocktail, and then I went to take a sip and it was a baby.”

Strong cocktail.

“Well, you know, what’s the point otherwise?”

Sure. Bob, who taught you to hold babies?

“Parish.”

Wow.

“Grab by the hips and ignore the neck. Their heads are floppy because they’re coddled. You know what they say–”

Please don’t say what I think you’re going to.

“–‘You can’t baby babies.'”

That was what I thought, and feared, you would say.

“The children are soft nowadays. You know what I was doing at his age?”

Ranch?

“Yeah, there ya go. I was on the ranch. Bronco-busting and whatnot.”

What’s the kid’s name?

“Berniewouldawon.”

His parents live in Marin, huh?

“My neighbors.”

Sure.