Brieuxery

Hey, award-winning Grateful Dead archivist David Lemieux. Whatcha doing?

“Enjoying a delicious beer from the Dogfish Brewery.”

They taking care of you?

“Lovely people. Before, we drank a schnitzelbock.”

I have no idea what that is.

“Like, nine bocks. Maybe ten. A meaty-tasting beer.”

Ew.

“And upwards of 20 proof.”

Dave–

“David.”

–I do not understand these kind of beers. They taste awful and you can only drink two of ’em before you’re plowed.

“It’s for beer snobs. They like ’em because normal people would think they’re awful. It’s like how music snobs all like Captain Beefheart.”

Good analogy.

“And then we had an ale so pale it was clear. I’m pretty sure that was just water with a couple shots of grain alcohol poured in. But the bottle was real sweet-looking. Had one of those doohickeys that keeps the top attached. Like on a Grolsch bottle, but better.”

Better how?

“You could control it from your phone. It had Bluetooth.”

As a beer bottle should.

“And we drank a couple of hefecrunchen.”

What?

“Usually, beer is barley, yeast, hops, and water. But you can swap out the grain and still get beer. Wheat works. Rice, too. Hefecrunchen is made from fermented Captain Crunch.”

That sounds vile.

“No, it’s fruity. As you’d expect, it’s a morning beer.”

There’s no such thing as a “morning beer.” That’s called alcoholism.

“I’m not talking about first thing. Pre-lunch.”

Still alcoholism.

“You’re a puritan. That’s absurd. Getting greased for lunch is the right of every Canadian man, woman, and child with straight A’s.”

It’s nice you place such an emphasis on education.

“Gotta coach ’em up right.”

Any other silly beers to tell me about?

“Only the kompressorpilsener.”

Which is?

“The final step in the brewing process is distillation.”

That makes it whisky. That’s not beer anymore.

“Explains why I’m hammered.”

Yeah. Compliment your buddy on his rope bracelet.

“Don’t worry about the rope bracelet.”